PsYkeD
by Realitysplitter
Summary: What begins as another practical joke by Psymon turns into a crazy adventure for the whole SSX Tricky gang!
1. Another Day, Another Practical Joke

Hi everybody! Here's the first chapter of a story I've had brewing in my head for some time. If all goes well, many more chapters will follow. ~_^

SSX Tricky and its characters are the property of EA games.

Have fun!! ^_^

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PsYkeD

Chapter 1: _Another Day, Another Practical Joke_

T'ai-yueh-ta-ti, a quaint Chinese settlement located deep within the Pa-yen-k'a-a-la mountains. A sleepy picturesque village being enveloped by a gentle snowfall. The postcard-perfect local where the SSX Tricky gang could take a brief opportunity to relax before the upcoming race.

"Booga-wooga-HA!"

"IIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!"

"Hey! What the...oof!" Zoe was startled awake by the high-pitched scream. She had just fallen asleep watching an old Chinese kung-fu movie when the sudden loud noise sent her rolling off the bed.

"Geez, Kaori. You tryin' to give me a heart attack or something?"

"THAT JERK!!"

__

"Here we go again," Zoe thought as she listened to a long string of rather colorful-sounding phrases. The plucky snowboarder didn't need to know Japanese to figure out what had happened. Turning toward her roommate, Zoe asked, "So what stunt did Psymon pull this time?"

"WHY WON'T THAT BAKA STOP PICKING ON ME!!" The angry teenager ignored Zoe's question and continued stomping around the hotel room, swearing in Japanese.

Zoe tried reasoning with the teen. "Come on Kaori, it wasn't that bad was it?" 

"STUPID JERK!!"

"You know, it helps to talk these problems out with your friends." Considering how corny she just sounded, Zoe put her head in her hands and groaned, "I can't believe I said that."

"PERVERT!! BAKA!! CREEP!!" Kaori continued to vent her frustration, oblivious to Zoe's comments. 

Elise yelled from the bathroom, "Just do it, Zoe, or she'll be like this all night long!"

"Yeah, whatever...might as well get this over with," Zoe grumbled as she pulled out a pair of earplugs from her pocket and placed them in her ears. She then went over to a nearby table and picked up a huge megaphone. A little tag, labeled "Kaori Calmer," hung from the heavy device. Comical as it may have seemed, the megaphone had proven to be the only way of bringing the Japanese teen out of her periodic tantrums. With sound amplifier in both hands, Zoe walked toward the irate youth and yelled, **"HELLOOOO!!!!!!!!! EARTH TO KAORI!!!!!!!!!"** Having a volume rivaling a good-sized airline turbo engine, the megaphone had the desired effect of stopping the Kaori's rant. Peeling herself off the opposite wall, the now fizzy-haired teenager sheepishly asked, "Umm...were you saying something, Zoe?"

The punk boarder rolled her eyes. "Oh no, not at all. I was just having a conversation with myself." She glared at the girl. "OF COURSE I WAS TALKING TO YOU!!"

Bowing her head in embarrassment, the Japanese youth scuffed her shoe along the carpet and whispered, "Gomen nasai."

Seeing her apologetic roommate, Zoe calmed down and asked, "So was it lizards this time?"

"No."

"Anything to do with slime, jello, or pudding?"

"No."

"Did Psymon tamper with your bath stuff again?" That joke had been rather inventive. Somehow, the crazy Canadian managed to switch Kaori's shampoo with some liquid that caused her hair to become spiky like Psymon's. Zoe struggled to keep from snickering as she remembered that particular incident.

"Umm...no."

Elise, wrapped in a towel and curious about the ruckus, demanded from the bathroom doorway, "Well, what was it?"

Realizing neither of her roommates would drop the subject, Kaori simply sighed and trudged toward the small hotel room closet. Picking up a hastily dropped overturned duffel, she presented the contents to the others. "Here, just look in my bag." Noticing a muffled sound coming from inside the bag, both Zoe and Elise peered down to see what had caused Kaori to be so spooked.

"Poing!" A miniature Psymon, complete with glowing red eyes, popped out of the bag. Sporting tattoos, piercings, and spiked hair, the doll's likeness to the actual Psymon was quite remarkable. As the super-deformed fellow happily bounced up and down on a spring, it kept playing a recording of Psymon's voice saying, "Booga-wooga-HA!"

For a moment everyone was silent. Then both Zoe and Elise started snickering before Elise burst into full-blown laughter. "AHA, HA, HA, HA!! That's what scared you Kaori? BWAAH, HAA, HAA, HAAAA!!!"

Kaori, however, was not amused. "Hey! That's not funny!"

"SURE IT IS!!" Zoe and Elise both yelled as they tried to keep from rolling on the floor in mirth.

The Japanese teenager became defensive. "But it's not fair! I haven't done anything to him!"

Zoe, recovering from her bout of laughter, tried to cheer up her distressed roommate. "Don't sweat it, Kay. That's just Psymon being Psymon. He's probably played tricks on all of us by now."

Kaori glanced at her fellow boarder skeptically. "Really?"

Brushing off the teen's suspicion, the punk girl nonchalantly replied, "Sure. There was..." Caught off guard, Zoe tried to recall if there actually WAS anyone else who Psymon had played a joke upon. "Well...there's 'Tattoo-boy'."

In response, Kaori narrowed her gaze while Elise merely raised one eyebrow.

Seeing her roommates' reaction, Zoe muttered, "Er...forget I said that." Thinking some more, she triumphantly snapped her fingers as she remembered, "Hey, how about Rahzel? Psymon pulled stunts on him all the time. 'Course," Zoe continued, "ol' Rahzzy did tell him to quit."

Elise helpfully jumped in, "I believe his exact words were, 'Play another joke on me, Stark, and I'll personally boot your @$%&^@(*!# butt off the tour for good!' " Everyone remembered how angry the SSX Tricky manager had been after a particularly memorable prank involving rubber cement, bed sheets, and a lovingly preserved 15 kg muskie.

Kaori eagerly nodded. "Uh huh. Psymon stopped too!"

"Yeah, but only after sulking and subjecting everyone to ridiculously loud Napalm Death music all week long." Still, Zoe had to admit, what the teenager said was true. "So, why don't you just tell Psymon to knock it off?"

"I do! But he still keeps playing tricks on me!"

"Hmmph…Maybe that's because he knows you tend to overreact." Zoe thought a moment, then added, "Well, either that or he just has something against all things unbearably cute."

"You...you really think so?" Kaori looked ready to cry.

Elise arched her eyebrow even more. "Nice counseling technique you got there, Zoe."

The punk boarder shrugged. "Hey, I call 'em like I see 'em." Zoe wasn't much for subtlety.

Shaking her head at Zoe's remarks, Elise tried her hand at comforting the distraught teen. "Look, don't worry Kaori. If you ignore Sketchy, I'm sure he'll back off sooner or later." Flicking the Psymon miniature with her index figure, the Canadian bombshell smirked. "Besides, it's not like he hasn't done worse."

Zoe chuckled. "Heck, maybe you'll even get a chance at payback during tomorrow's race."

Encouraged by her friends' support, Kaori gave a small smile. "Arigatou."

Zoe stretched and started getting prepared for bed. "Much as I've enjoyed this girl bonding session, I've got to get some shut-eye." Pausing a moment, she turned toward Kaori and asked, "Say, Kay, do you mind if I keep the Psymon doll?"

Kaori could only blink as she took a moment to register Zoe's question. _"Why would anyone want this hideous thing?"_

Elise's thoughts echoed Kaori's. "Why do you want that thing? I didn't think you were the type to collect dolls."

Nonplussed, Zoe shrugged and replied, "No particular reason. I just thought it was cool, that's all."

For her part, Kaori simply handed the doll over to Zoe. Personally, she didn't care what happened to the abomination, as long as it didn't have to be near her.

The Canadian snowboarder slyly smiled. "Now all you need is one of Moby. Then you'll have a matched set." Kaori giggled.

Zoe did her best to ignore Elise's implications. Without missing a beat, she countered, "Don't you have to prepare for a rivalry or something?"

Taking the hint, a snickering Elise ducked back into the bathroom. "You're right. I'd better get ready for tomorrow. After all, got to look my best if I'm going to beat a certain wannabe diva." A nasty laugh echoed out from the within the bathroom. Zoe and Kaori shared a glance.

"You know, I worry about her sometimes."

"Hai."

"I HEARD THAT!!"

Both Zoe and Kaori giggled at Elise's response. Yawning, Zoe placed the mini Psymon on a nearby dresser. The little figure continued to bounce cheerfully and shout, "Booga-wooga-HA!"

Kaori eyed the doll. "Do you have to put that here?"

Her roommate gave a slightly exasperated sigh. "Geez, it's not like it's doing anything, Kay."

"But..."

Walking over to the doll, Zoe flipped a small switch, silencing it. Glancing at the teenager, she asked, "That better?"

Kaori was still unsure. "Umm, I guess...but..."

Waving off any further objections, Zoe went toward one of the beds and said, "You worry too much, kiddo. Good night." 

The Japanese teenager gave a weak smile. "Thanks. You too."

Later that night, Kaori was lying awake in her bed. She kept thinking about Zoe's earlier comments. _"Am I unbearably cute? Do I really want to NOT be cute?"_ An image of Luther suddenly flashed through her mind, causing Kaori to shudder. The teen quickly discarded that train of thought. _"Do I really overreact to Psymon's jokes?"_ Remembering previous occurrences, Kaori reluctantly concluded that they had indeed ended similarly to tonight's incident. Psymon would pull a prank, she would scream, swear in Japanese, and then stalk around fuming at the indignity of it all before someone would use the 'Kaori Calmer'. _"Wouldn't anyone react that way?"_ She sighed. "_I guess not. Nobody else has a megaphone named after them."_ Still, it galled her that Psymon had singled her out for some particular reason. _"I know he's kind of strange."_ Kaori paused...and reconsidered. _"O.K. Maybe he's a little crazy, but I haven't tried to be intentionally mean to him."_ On the contrary, the Japanese youth went out of her way to get along with as many of her fellow snowboarders as possible. Anything else would have been dishonorable, not to mention, a lot less fun. She considered Elise's advice to ignore Psymon. Surely, in the past, Kaori had managed to avoid unwanted attention from overly persistent fans of her 'Orange Explosion Fun Girl' show. _"Umm...except for the time when I whipped out that prop mallet."_ The teenager cringed, remembering the pounding she gave one particularly obnoxious stalker. Glancing around the room, Kaori noticed the glowing eyes of the Psymon doll staring back at her. _"A lot of good you are. I still think you're creepy."_ The teenager pouted a little, considering her options. 

An evil thought suddenly popped into Kaori's mind. _"Hmm…what if I played a prank on Psymon?"_ A wicked twinkle gleamed in her eye. _"Then HE would know what it feels like to be picked on." _Listening, the Japanese teen could hear Elise talking in her sleep. The dozing Canadian was murmuring phrases like, "Please Eddie, no more disco...Take that, you wannabe...No Luther, don't know where your teddy..." Kaori was also aware of Zoe lightly snoring over in the adjacent bed. The youth wondered how her friends would feel about her little scheme. _"Both Zoe and Elise were pretty supportive earlier. I think they would probably approve." _Satisfied with her planned course of action, Kaori fell asleep, smiling gently…

…blissfully unaware of the wacky consequences that would follow.


	2. Preliminary Festivities

SSX Tricky and its characters belong to EA games. DJ Rahzel is his own talented self. As far as I know, there is no actual pop star named Naomi Chen, a business tycoon named Mr. Lei-Kung Wang, or a Phoenix Electronics. I must also give credit to a SSX Tricky character FAQ by Fisheye at GameFAQs for a few character specifics. ~_^ 

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PsYkeD

****

Chapter 2:_ Preliminary Festivities_

Kaori stepped out of Psymon's room, closing the door ever so gently. She had made it a point to wake up extra early that morning to prepare Psymon's 'surprise.'

The teen giggled softly. _"Good thing Psymon didn't lock his door. Hee, hee…I can't wait to see what happens!" _Still quietly snickering, she tipped-toed back toward her hotel room.

----------------------

"Take a look at all those crazy fans! Half the population of China must be here!" Rahzel was grinning like a giddy schoolboy. If there was one thing that made his thankless job worthwhile, it was those last electrified moments leading up to each race. The SSX spokesman always found himself caught up in the frenzied atmosphere, becoming one with the crowd as anticipation grew to a fever pitch. Facing the group of athletes gathered next to him, Rahzel beamed like a proud father. "Just think, every single one of those people out there are here to see you boyz and girlz do what you do best!"

"If that were the case, wouldn't there be a huge buffet for Luther to, like, pig out on?" Eddie couldn't resist taking advantage of the perfect opening Rahzel presented.

"Why don'cha you come over here and say that to my face!" Needless to say, the big southerner wasn't pleased with Eddie's comment.

"Hey, I would Luther, but the rest of you keeps getting in the way." 

"Why, I ought to…" Luther looked ready to pummel the afro'd snowboarder. JP laid a restraining hand on his companion's shoulder.

"Relax, monsieur. I'm sure there will be plenty of opportunity to apply retribution during the competition." Normally, JP might not have cared if his large associate decided to engage in a brawl. However, given the makeup of this particular group, such a tangle would probably become messy. Wanting to look his best for the upcoming group photo opportunity, the Frenchman preferred to avoid any scenario that might damage his well-kept appearance.

"You're da boss, JP." Keeping his composure for now, Luther smiled and cracked his knuckles, already relishing the pain he would deliver to the wisecracking youth.

"You know, Eddie, one of these times Luther is going make good on his promise to 'beat you to a pulp.' " While Elise shared her friend's appraisal of Luther, she didn't want to see Eddie hurt because of his constant taunting of the huge athlete.

Eddie waved off the Canadian's concern. "Don't worry Elise, I can race circles around him all day long."

"Looks like JP's got a leash on him for now," Zoe said sullenly. Impatient to start the race, she didn't see the point to all the preliminary festivities. "Hey Rahzel, how much longer do we have to wait?"

The DJ happily responded, "Just until the camera crew finishes setting up. Then we'll be able to begin the group interview!"

"…oh joy…" the punk girl sarcastically replied.

Moby tried to cheer Zoe up. "Don't worry luv. You and me will give the crowd a bloody good show!"

"Yo man, you doin' a comedy?" Mac, overhearing the Englishman, decided to add his two cents.

Moby directed a glare at Mac. "What's that supposed to mean, mate?"

The sixteen-year old snowboarder shrugged. "I jus' figured you'll be doin' slapstick…what with you slammin' into trees the whole way."

From his vantage point, JP smirked. "I agree with the lad. How do you say it…quite a number of course obstacles bear your name on them."

Moby turned his attention toward JP. "Nobody is asking for your opinion, you bloody french fry!"

The rich playboy continued smiling arrogantly. "Ah, but I give it freely."

"So, what else is new?" Seeiah muttered. Peering down at Kaori, she grew curious. "What are you doing there, kiddo?"

The sitting teenager held up a textbook. "My homework." Sure enough, Seeiah saw what appeared to be a number of geometry problems, some having already been answered.

Seeiah grinned in approval. At least someone was making good use of this extra time. "Good for you, girl."

Brodi walked up beside the two women. He playfully ruffled Kaori's hair. "One must always strive to expand one's horizons."

The teen giggled. "Hai, Brodi-kun!"

Elise strolled over to the small group. Looking down at the Japanese teen, the blonde asked, "Feeling better Kaori?"

The girl winked at Elise and cheerfully responded, "Hai!"

Elise couldn't shake the suspicion that Kaori seemed more upbeat and mischievous than usual. Putting aside her concerns, she mentally shrugged. _"At least it beats having do deal with an angry Kaori." _Chucking a thumb in the direction of Marisol, she asked Seeiah, "What's up with Sparky?" Brodi and Kaori turned to see what Elise was referring to. They both noticed the Latino bombshell wasn't her usual energetic self. A more thorough examination showed faint rings under her eyes, despite a careful attempt to cover them with makeup.

Seeiah briefly glanced at Marisol before answering, "Oh, she must have been out partying late last night. I heard her stumble in sometime around 3 am."

Elise lifted an inquisitive eyebrow. "You weren't with her?"

The African-American shrugged, "Hey, I'm not her babysitter. If she wants to get sleep deprived before a race, that's her business."

At hearing Seeiah's answer, the blonde Canadian gave a predatory grin. Sauntering over to her rival, she asked, "What's the matter, Sparky? Nobody tucked you into bed last night?" 

Hardly in the mood to argue, Marisol simply grumbled, "Cállate, por favor."

Instead of complying, Elise leaned in even closer and gleefully asked, "What was that Sparky? I didn't hear you."

"Ooh boy, it's gonna get nasty." Seeiah didn't like where this little verbal exchange was going.

Apparently, neither did Rahzel. "Come on gang! The crew's about ready to go!" 

Elise pouted. "Oh come on Raz…I was just getting warmed up."

Marisol sneered. "Funny to hear that from an ice queen like yourself."

The Canadian snarled back, "So the bitch does have some bite left to her."

The Latino gave Elise the dirty finger. "Any time, any place, chica."

Before the two blonde rivals could engage in a free-for-all, Seeiah smoothly stepped in to ease the tension. "Now, now girlfriends…let's save it for the race, shall we?"

Reluctant to fight with Seeiah, Marisol settled for sticking her tongue out at Elise. The Canadian responded by blowing a raspberry. In no time at all, the two rivals were involved in a silent confrontation involving many rude looks and lewd gestures.

Witnessing the rather childish exchange, Seeiah rolled her eyes. "Sheesh."

Catching himself darting a concerned peek at Marisol, JP quickly regained his composure and calmly strolled toward Rahzel's designated spot. Beckoning Luther, he called, "Come, my friend, the camera awaits."

"Can't see why you like this sort of stuff, JP."

"That's easy, mate. It serves his over inflated ego." Moby wasted no opportunity to offer a little verbal payback for the Frenchman's earlier snide remarks.

Luther defended his friend. "Pot callin' the kettle black, you English mama's boy."

Always the peacemaker, Brodi interjected, "Gentleman, now isn't the time for fighting."

Luther indignantly bellowed, "There's always time for fightin'!" 

Eddie chimed in, "Yeah…right between chowing down 15 courses and 20 desserts!"

The heavyset snowboarder rumbled, "Yer pushin' me, boy."

Bowing his head, Brodi sighed. "Buddha help us."

Noting the increasing tension between some of the competitors, Mac commented to himself, "Man, I gotta be careful today. People are more wacked out than usual." Looking over his shoulder, he hollered, "Yo Kaori! You comin'?"

Having been wrapped up in her studies, Kaori hadn't notice Rahzel's earlier summons. Hearing Mac's voice, she looked up and saw everyone moving into an open area near the cameras. She called back to Mac, "Hai!" Noticing the listless Zoe, the teen cheerfully shouted, "Rahzel's ready! Let's go Zoe!"

The punk girl wasn't impressed. As she picked herself up, she droned, "…be still my beating heart…"

As the athletes gathered together, with varying degrees of compliance, the DJ breathed a quiet sigh of relief. "Any longer and we might have been short several racers." As it was, the squabbling was making the SSX Tricky manager nervous. Trying to regain his earlier enthusiasm, Rahzel attempted to rally the troops. "O.K. everyone, you know the drill. Tallest in the back and the shorter up front."

Eddie spoke up, "What about Luther?"

Knowing he would regret the question, Rahzel sighed and asked, "What about him?"

"Yeah, what about me, wimp?"

Eddie grinned and continued, "Well, with his size and all, won't he, like, simply blend in with the mountain background?"

It took the combined efforts of both JP and Brodi to keep Luther from attacking Eddie right then and there.

"LET ME AT HIM!!"

"Relax monsieur! We can't do this in front of the cameras!"

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT NO STUPID CAMERAS!! I WANT A PIECE OF HIM RIGHT NOW!!"

"Please calm down, Luther. Violence is not the solution."

"IF YOU SAY THAT TO ME ONE MORE TIME, YOU BUDDHIST PANSY, I'LL RIP OFF YOUR HEAD AND FEED IT TO THE ALLIGATORS!!"

Kaori didn't like that mental image. "Euww, gross."

Mac added, "Yeah, and where would somebody find alligators around here, anyway?"

Witnessing JP's and Brodi's attempts to calm the enraged giant, Elise glanced down and saw Eddie cowering behind her. With a note of irony, she asked, "What was that about racing circles around Luther?"

In response, all the wisecracking racer could manage was a feeble, "...eep..."

Marisol chuckled. "Oh, how cute. The boyfriend is hiding behind his woman."

Elise gave the blonde an irritated look. "Just stuff it, Sparky."

"WOULD EVERYONE SHUT UP!!!" Rahzel had had enough. Seeing that he'd gotten the whole group's attention, he nearly pleaded, "Could you please, PLEEEAZZE, work with me gang? Our Chinese sponsors have graciously offered to host this one-time event. Now I realize this part isn't necessarily exciting..."

"You got that right."

Rahzel choose to ignore Zoe's sarcasm. "...and I know we've jumped through various bureaucratic hoops and dealt with more than enough pompous, overbearing, pencil-pushing officials who were too full of themselves..." The DJ noticed Seeiah raising her hand. "Now what?"

The African-American snowboarder pointed and grinned. "Behind you, boyfriend." 

Already quite frustrated, Rahzel grumbled as he whirled around, "For crying out......loud......" he weakly finished. Standing just behind the DJ was Mr. Lei-Kung Wang, CEO of Phoenix Electronics, one of the largest and most influential industries in the world. Phoenix Electronics, incidentally, was the main sponsor and organizer of the upcoming SSX Tricky event. Flanking the businessman was a cadre of reporters. Cameras and microphones were aimed at Rahzel, taking in every word he said. The flustered DJ found himself at a loss for words. "...gulp......uh......hi there......ah.......Mr. Wang..."

Mr. Wang coolly arched one delicately manicured eyebrow. "Please, Mr. Brown, feel free to continue."

Moby commented, "There you have it, mates, American diplomacy at it's finest."

Trying to salvage as much dignity as possible, Rahzel immediately put on an overly cheerful smile, clapped his hands together, and exclaimed, "Would you like to start the group interview now, Mr. Wang?"

The businessman gestured to begin, "Lead the way, Mr. Brown."

The SSX spokesman and CEO made their way toward the snowboarders, followed by the various media personnel and translators. Once in place, Mr. Wang began the presentation. "Welcome ladies and gentleman. I am pleased to announce the first SSX Tricky extreme snowboard cross competition being held in China. With me is the official spokesman and tour manager, Mr. Rahzel Brown." Turning toward the DJ, the CEO continued, "If you would please, Mr. Brown?"

Rahzel knew that was his cue. "Thanks Mr. Wang." Looking right at the cameras, the SSX manager felt completely in his element. "Hiya, all you tricky, tricky fans! This is DJ Rahzel and I'd like to introduce you to the fantastic athletes who will be churning up snow on the slopes today!" Rahzel addressed the SSX Tricky group, "O.K. gang. Could you please briefly give your names and any information you'd like the fans to know? How about we start with you Mac?"

"Hey, thanks man." The sixteen-year old addressed the cameras with all the hip attitude he could muster. "Yo! Dis here is Mac 'da Smac' Fraser. During dis race, I'm goin' to show you moves ain't NOBODY'S seen!" Wanting to become a world class DJ himself, Mac was utterly thrilled with the attention he was receiving. Of course, he'd never admit that to anyone directly.

Unable to resist, a beaming Kaori jumped in next. Waving at the cameras, she happily greeted the viewers. "Konichiwa! My name is Kaori Nishidake. I'd just like to say I'm really glad to be here today!"

Mac interjected, "Yeah, and Kaori's my main squeeze too!"

Brodi slapped a hand to his face and groaned, "Oh Buddha, this won't be good."

Confused, Kaori turned to Mac and asked, "What's that mean, 'main squeeze'?"

Moby helpfully explained, "He's saying you're his sexual partner." As Mac's eyes grew to platter-size, the Englishman bent down and whispered into the youth's ear, "That's for the little wisecrack you made earlier, chap."

Taking a moment to consider what Moby had said, Kaori mumbled, "That means…" Blushing red with both embarrassment and anger, Kaori whirled around toward Mac and shouted, "MAC!! That's not true!!"

The sweating snowboarder tried to backpedal away from his angry friend. "Heh, heh…come on Kaori…it was just a joke."

Suddenly, the Japanese teenager became alarmed. Pausing a moment, she whispered, "If father's watching, then he must have heard…Oh no, he'll think…" Lunging forward, she furiously grabbed Mac by the neck and screamed, "DIE MAC!!"

Mac, struggling to breathe, gasped out, "Kaori…need…air."

While several of the other athletes tried to keep Kaori from strangling Mac, an irritated Zoe elbowed the snickering Moby in the gut.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"That wasn't nice, Moby."

"Aw…he's just jealous he doesn't have a girlfriend!" Apparently, Eddie had regained his courage after Luther's earlier outburst.

Not being the type to back down, the English snowboarder boasted, "Pal, there's nobody manlier than ol' Moby Jones! I tell you, women are flocking to me all the time! Why, I practically have Zoe sleeping with me right…now." Too late, Moby realized he might have taken his bragging a bit too far.

Zoe leaned right into the Englishman's face. Snarling, she said, "Is that so?"

Moby found himself waving his hands and doing his own backpedaling. "Now luv…it's not like it sounds."

"You heard it here first, folks! Moby's sleeping with Zoe!" Eddie was having fun bringing his English rival down a peg or two.

"Wachowski! This is all your bloody fault!" Moby went to tackle Eddie.

"Hey! You're not getting away from me that easily!" Zoe leaped to attack Moby.

As the other SSX Tricky competitors tried to separate the various combatants, Mr. Wang turned to Rahzel and noted, "It would seem your tour members are quite competitive."

"Kaori, please calm down!"

"Girlfriend, this isn't going to help anybody!"

"HOW COULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT, MAC-KUN!!" 

"…yo…can't…breathe…"

"Hey boss, aren't ya goin' to help out?"

Rahzel simply nodded as he watched helplessly. "Yeah, that's one way to put it."

"I believe I would best serve, how do you say it…as 'backup'."

"Meaning Mr. Fancypants doesn't want to get involved. Hey! You bit me, Zoe!"

"At least some people care about their appearance. Oh good grief! Senora…you must keep better control of your boyfriend!"

"Give it a rest already, Sparky!!"

The CEO continued, "Does this happen often, Mr. Brown?"

"YOU WON'T BE SO MANLY WHEN I GET THROUGH WITH YOU!!"

"Please luv! You know I was only exaggerating! Ow!! For the bloomin' love of…Wachowski!!"

"LIKE, RED ALERT!! RED ALERT!!"

The DJ hung his head and replied, "All too often."

Eventually, the fighting was brought to a halt. With the exception of JP, all the other interceding athletes had some scrapes and bruises. Zoe's facial paint was smeared all over her face and arms, making the punk girl look like some badly decorated ancient tribal warrior. Kaori's hair was totally mussed up and she had lost her snow goggles sometime during the melee. However, as much at the two women were disheveled, their male counterparts fared worst. Eddie was clutching a broken nose. Moby sported two black eyes, and a blue-faced Mac was gingerly rubbing the bruises on his neck.

Satisfied that the ruckus had calmed down for the moment, Mr. Wang said, "Perhaps we can now continue?"

Rahzel nervously asked, "Was all that caught on camera?"

The businessman nodded. "Everything is live, even as we speak."

"Great, just great." Hoping he'd still have a job when this fiasco was over, the DJ wearily called out, "O.K. boys and girls. Let's try this once more."

Brodi interrupted, "Excuse me, but has anyone seen Psymon?"

Kaori giggled. Glancing down at the youth, Elise asked, "Kaori?" 

Looking around, Seeiah commented, "Yeah, where is that crazy flyboy, anyway?"

A shout erupted from the back of the crowd, "I'm SOOOOOOOO glad you asked, baldy!! Hey tuna breaths, make way! Shark coming through!" The media crews parted as Psymon stepped forward, making his grand entrance.

Upon seeing Psymon, most of the racers started snickering. Elise was the first to remark, "Bad hair day, Sketchy?"

Indeed, Psymon's hair had seen better days. Instead of the usual spiky hairdo, his thick mop of hair seemed more like a bird's nest. Aside from a couple of normal spikes, the rest of it was messily matted together. Much of his hair was haphazardly lying flat against the top of the Canadian's head.

Mac also wondered about Psymon's attire. "Why are you wearin' that Ghostbuster getup?" In addition to his normal sleeveless shirt, jeans, and boots, the crazy snowboarder had what appeared to be a large canister strapped to his back. A connecting hose ran from the tank to a handheld sprayer, which Psymon was currently pointing toward the group.

Psymon gave a maniacal grin. "Well kiddies, one of you bozos decided to pour syrup into my hair while I was sleeping." The Canadian stopped smiling. "DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WASH THIS #@$%&\*&@ STUFF OUT!!!" Psymon smirked. "Tattoo-boy and I talked it over, and we decided it was unfair to keep this fun all to ourselves. So…"

Rahzel desperately tried to interrupt, "Wait a minute, Stark!"

"…EAT WEB LOSERS!!!" Psymon activated his sprayer. Whipping it across the whole area, he plastered everyone present with a sticky, web-like fluid. When he was done, media crews, camera equipment, and athletes alike were completely covered with gooey spray strings. The psychotic snowboarder smiled at the job well done.

Not all shared his satisfaction.

"BOY!! I'M GOIN' TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB!!!"

"My friend, both you and I shall enjoy pummeling this cretin."

"Sketchy, you just made a BIG mistake."

"For once, chica, I agree with you."

"Count me in, girlfriends. Count me in."

"Man, I'm goin' to smack you sooo bad."

"Psy, normally I would have forgiven you. But I've been having a really lousy morning, so I'm going to make an exception."

"Dish wuff iz wall win my wair!" Eddie's nose had begun to swell, impairing his speech.

"…grrr…" The only reason Kaori wasn't screaming by now was because she was mentally counting to one hundred in both Japanese and English. The teen was trying to follow Elise's earlier advice and remain calm, despite this latest prank by Psymon. Unfortunately, she wasn't having much success.

Moby had no such reservations. "I say, let's jump his bloody carcass!!"

"Wait! Stop!" Brodi leaped in front of Psymon, shielding him from his angry peers. "Please, we can work this out some other way!"

"Step aside, you namby-pamby, or you goin' to get hurt."

"Look, if everyone would just calm…"

"PIGPILE!!!" 

Having removed his tank and sprayer, Psymon pounced on Brodi. His action spurred the others to react. The entire group of racers converged on the spot where Brodi had been standing, every single one of them eager to exact some vengeance on the Canadian maniac. Snow, apparel, and spray strings were flying everywhere. Unfortunately, given the number of participants and the intensity of the group's current emotions, the attempt to bring revenge upon Psymon became a completely out-of-control brawl.

"Hey! Watch where you're shoving, Mac!!"

"Your just too slow, Zo!"

"It's Zoe, you little puke!"

"Whatever. Tell it to someone who cares!"

"Move out of the way, mate!"

"Hmmph, didn't your mother teach you to respect your superiors, peasant?"

"Pal, there's no way you're superior to me!"

"I'll make you care, brat!!"

"I am NOT a brat!!"

"Bring it on sister, bring it on!!"

"She wasn't talkin' about ya, little girl!!"

"Perhaps, Luther, you should consider picking on someone your own size."

"KAoRi's a LiTtLe GiRLy!! KaOri'S a LiTtLe gIRRRleeeY!!!"

"What!! You takin' me on, Budda-boy?"

"PSYMON!!!"

"If karma demands it, who am I to argue?"

"Care to prove it, Englishman?"

"With pleasure, ol' chap."

"I've been lookin' forward to this for a long time chumpy!!"

"HELLOOOOO NURSE!!!"

"Up yours, loco!!"

"Ow!! Hey tramp, you did that on purpose!!"

"Ha!! You missed meee!!"

"I was trying to strike him, you stupid…ow!!"

"Forget about somebody, flyboy?"

"What the…tattoo-boy, do we know her?"

"Any time, any place…right Sparky?"

"Of course you know me, idiot!! I'm Seeiah!!"

"Let's dance, chica!!"

"No fair baldy!! You're supposed to play along!!"

"Oh, I'll play alright…oof!"

"Pardon me. I didn't notice you Seeiah."

"Where'da go chumpy boots? I'm just gettin' warmed up!!"

"Stop picking on Brodi-kun!!!"

"OW!! MY WOSE!!"

Carefully wiping some spray strings away from his face, Mr. Wang coolly regarded Rahzel. "Mr. Brown, it appears your level of discipline and control over your athletes leaves much to be desired."

"Careful, Zoe! I'm not your enemy, girlfriend!"

"You want some too? O.K by me!!"

"That's a bloody fine left hook you got, now here's mine!"

"Hey Macky! Let me help you with that cap!!"

"Yo! Where'd everybody go…argh!!"

"Sorry mate! Not that you didn't have it coming, though."

"You English have no style, no fin…erk!!"

"And you, my friend, have no honor."

"Slut!!"

"Weet! Elishe!! Mardiwal!! Woooo!!!"

"Whore!!"

"Wot Wee Afro!!! Wot Wee Afro!!!"

"IIIIEEEAAAAHHHH!!!"

"SOMBODY DRAG THIS CAT WOMAN OFF'A ME!!!"

Rhazel was at the end of his patience. Glaring at Mr. Wong, he screamed, "How easy do you think this is! I have to put up with this @#%#$*%)^@* EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! IT'S LIKE BABYSITTING A BUNCH OF SPOILED FIVE-YEAR OLDS!!!!"

Silence. 

Suddenly feeling a foreshadowing of doom, Rahzel slowly turned around. The fight had stopped as quickly as it had started. All the participants were the worse for wear. Seeiah was standing up as gingerly as possible, favoring her right wrist and her left ankle. She was also missing one of her snow goggle lenses. Zoe was crouching next to Seeiah. With a black eye, disheveled hair, multiple bruises, and numerous bleeding cuts, the plucky snowboarder looked more like creature of the wild than a professional racer. Nearby stood Moby. In addition to his two black eyes, the Englishman now sported a bloody, swollen lip and a gashed ear. A few feet from Moby, laying face first in the snow, was JP. The playboy appeared to be knocked out cold. Also unconscious was Mac, lying spread-eagled in a snow bank, his stocking cap stretched over his face. Not far from JP, Brodi was trying to catch his breath. His shirt was in tatters. A bleeding gash was present above his left eye. A short distance from Brodi, Elise and Marisol were kneeling. The two women were almost totally covered in snow and both were clutching tufts of orange hair. Elise had to squint out of her one good eye while the other was swollen completely shut. Marisol was missing a portion of her hair and she nursed a bloody nose. In between the two ladies sat Eddie. Still clutching his own swollen nose, the nineteen-year old was surrounded by the remains of his orange afro lying scattered all over the area. Some ways from Eddie towered Luther. He seemed to missing some teeth and had scratch and bite marks all over his face and head. Draped over the back of the heavyset athlete was Kaori. Clutching Luther's head with a death grip, the teenager's jacket and much of her shirt were shredded, although not quite enough to allow indecent exposure. Nearby lay her stuffed animal jacket decoration, it's lining spilling out onto the ground. Finally, the perpetrator of the whole mess, Psymon, stood close to Mac's sprawled body. The crazy competitor was clothed in even less attire than Kaori, having lost his entire shirt and a good deal of his pants. Most of his body was covered in bruises, scrapes, and cuts, which the maniac proudly wore as badges of honor.

Ten pairs of eyes stared directly at Rahzel, promising much pain and suffering.

Before anyone could take action, Brodi held up one hand and said, "It is only fair that we first allow Rahzel the chance to give a reasonable explanation for his poor choice of words." The ten pairs of eyes quietly waited for a response.

As Mr. Wang slowly backed away from the hapless DJ, the SSX spokesman could only blubber out, "I…that is…gulp…ah…urk?"

Brodi sadly lowered his hand. "I'm afraid that is not a sufficient answer."

With that, all ten remaining, conscious snowboarders descended upon Rahzel. High-pitched wails of agony could be heard from the bottom of the pigpile. Various media personnel watched with bewilderment while others exchanged money won or lost because of bets taken during the earlier scuffle.

Seeing the chaos, Mr. Wang shook his head and whispered, "Quite the interesting group."

----------------------

After a short recess, nine of the twelve SSX Tricky competitors were lined up at the start gate for the beginning of the race. Originally, the plan was to have all twelve compete in this special event. However, due to the pre-race 'warm-up', Seeiah, Mac, and JP were unable to participate. The rest of the athletes had tried their best to tend to their wounds and clothe themselves during the brief interlude before the start of the competition.

"It's about time." Zoe was excited and raring to go. "Look out course, here I come!"

Marisol spared Zoe a frosty gaze. "Don't think you'll win that easily, chica. Accidents can happen." The Latino had yet to forgive the punk girl for having injured Seeiah earlier.

Zoe eyed her opponent. "Is that a threat, party girl?" Shrugging off the blonde's cold glance, Zoe continued, "Well, get in my way and you will pay." Marisol's glare became even chillier.

Ignoring the brewing tensions beside her, Elise smiled at her friend and said, "Hey Eddie, good luck!"

"…"

That wasn't the response Elise was hoping to elicit. "Oh, come on Eddie, don't be that way."

"…"

"You know, a lot of women like the short-haired look."

"…"

Brodi interjected, "Maybe he's worried you'll hurt yourself during this race."

Elise incredulously stared at the surfer as if to say, "You got to be kidding me."

Seeing Elise's expression, Brodi shrugged. "Then again, maybe not. Still, with your impaired eyesight, don't you think it perhaps would be best if you dropped out of this race?"

Elise defiantly shook her head. Hooking a thumb over her shoulder toward Marisol, she replied, "As long as that blonde bimbo is competing, so will I!"

Overhearing the conversation, Moby yelled, "Hey pal, didn't anybody teach you not to stick your nose into other peoples' business?"

Brodi turned toward the Englishman. "Excuse me?"

Moby sneered, "You heard me, Ford. Remember our little scuffle earlier? Here JP and I were having a good ol' slugfest and you come along and pop the frenchy one right across the chops. Knocked him out colder than a fish." The snowboarder sighed. "Ruined a perfectly decent man-to-man fight."

Brodi tried to defend himself. "But I thought I was helping you out."

Moby glared at the Buddhist. "When I want your help, mate, I'll bloody well ask you for it!" He pointed toward the course and added, "And don't think I'll forget this when we're out there, either!"

Feeling defeated, Brodi hung his head and mumbled, "There's no satisfying anyone, sometimes."

Luther added his own input. "Looked to me likes you were having trouble anyway, wimp."

Moby whipped around to face Luther. "What's that supposed to mean?"

The large athlete grinned, exposing his missing teeth. "What I mean is, ya nearly knocked poor Mac clear off the mountain."

Surprised, Kaori peeked around Luther. "You hit Mac-kun?"

Not wanting to be reminded of his own screw-up, Moby shouted back, "Shut your face, tubby!" Glancing at Kaori, he continued, "And who are you to judge me? Last I recall, you tried to strangle your little boyfriend!"

Kaori yelled back, "He's not my boyfriend!"

Intrigued, Psymon said, "Really? Hey, I would have freakin' paid to see that!"

As one, all the other snowboarders turned and glared at Psymon.

"What?" Taking a moment to sniff his armpits, Psymon asked, "I don't stink, do I?"

"Hai, you DO stink. Do you ever take a bath?" Kaori was feeling less than charitable toward the Canadian at the moment.

Psymon pretended to think deeply for a moment. Then he turned to Kaori and smiled. "Once every full moon."

The Japanese youth recoiled. "Disgusting!"

Grinning even more, the crazy racer leaned in close to Kaori and said, "Hey, maybe when this is over, you can fill me in on all the gory details."

Leaning back and holding her hands out to ward off Psymon, Kaori asked, "About what?"

Psymon assumed a shocked expression, as if the teen hadn't needed to ask. "Why, how you tried to bump off old Macky. What else?"

Remembering her rather less-than-honorable moment, Kaori refused to answer. Instead, she turned her head away from Psymon. "Hmmph!"

Disappointed, Psymon grumbled, "Party pooper."

Up in the announcer's booth, Naomi Chen took the microphone. Much to the relief and delight of many of the top brass who organized the competition, the attractive pop star had been available to replace the currently incapacitated Rahzel. Being an avid extreme sports fan herself, Ms. Chen was more than happy to assist. "Hi everyone! Today's event takes place in a scenic local within the Qinghai province of China. With over a 3000 drop in elevation, steep cliffs, and many winding curves, this race will be sure to provide a lot of thrills for both the athletes and the audience! For those of you who are new to the SSX Tricky racing circuit, the racers competing in today's event are: Zoe Payne, Marisol Diez Delgado, Elise Riggs, Eddie Wachowski, Brodi Ford, Moby Jones, Luther-Dwayne Grady…"

The snowboarders, hearing Luther's introduction, all glanced at the large athlete. Several of them began chuckling.

"…snicker…Luther-Dwayne? Your name's actually Luther-Dwayne?" For whatever reason, Elise thought the name a bit pompous for the big man. The blonde found the irony all too humorous.

Moby, too, found the contradiction funny. "BWAH HAA HAA!! That is just too bloody rich! HAA HAA HAAA!!"

Luther became indignant. "Ain't nothin' wrong with the name my mama gave me!"

"…Kaori Nishidake, Psymon Stark…" A technician quickly gave Ms. Chen a notecard. "Umm…due to an earlier…uh…development, several of the regular racers won't be competing today. They are Seeiah Owens, Mac Fraser, and JP Arsenault." Talking to herself, the pop star murmured, "At least that Brodi hunk is still competing."

Hearing Ms. Chen's inadvertent remark, most of the SSX Tricky athletes started laughing.

Chuckling, Zoe yelled, "Hey Brodi! Someone you want to tell us about?"

"Yeah Wodi! Whath's she Liwke?" Despite have a difficult time speaking, Eddie couldn't resist providing some commentary.

"Brodi-dear, please…do tell." Marisol's inquiry contained a bit of an edge in it.

Elise took note of Marisol's tone. "Why Sparky, if I didn't know better, I'd say you're jealous."

The Latino turned away, flicking her hair. "Why should I be jealous of some complete stranger?" Hearing Marisol's response, Elise simply smirked.

"Aw, the bloke just got lucky, that's all." Moby was upset that he didn't get mentioned.

"Is she your new girlfriend?" Kaori thought it fun to tease her friend a little.

Brodi was completely red from embarrassment. Waving his hands, he tried to explain, "No, no. I'm sure she's just a really enthusiastic sports fan."

Luther was shaking in mirth. "I don't buy that! Boy, I never knew ya had it in ya!"

From his position, Psymon shouted, "Brodi! Have you popped her balloon yet!" The lewd question caused the surfer to nearly choke.

The other racers yelled back, "Shut up, Psymon!!"

Kaori bopped Psymon on the head and added, "What a bad question to ask!" In truth, the teenager didn't know what the phrase meant, but if it came from Psymon, it had to be bad.

Muttering some choice words, the crazy Canadian crossed his arms and sulked.

Realizing her last comment was picked up by the microphone, Ms. Chen placed one hand behind her head and giggled nervously. "Well, he IS cute!" Trying to get back to business, the pop star smiled and continued, "Anyway, the race is about to start." She began the countdown. "Here we go! FIVE!"

"Time to get the show on the road!"

"Sí. May the best woman win."

"FOUR!"

"Which obviously isn't you, Sparky."

Despite his irritation with Elise, Eddie couldn't help but smile a little at her witty barb.

"THREE!"

"Buddha, give me strength."

"It's going take more than your Buddha to beat me, mate!"

"I'm goin' to whip both your tails!"

"TWO!"

"IT"S PARTYTIME!!"

"…baka…"

"ONE!"

High above the starting area, in a private viewing box, Mr. Lei-Kung Wang calmly observed the proceedings. He smiled mysteriously and whispered, "Now it begins."

"GO!!!"


	3. Race to Destiny

SSX Tricky and its characters belong to EA games. Again, I must give credit to a SSX Tricky character FAQ by Fisheye at GameFAQs for the name of Brodi's uber trick (I wasn't able to boot the game up at the time). Any other propriety material belongs to its respective owners. Enjoy! ^_^

****

PsYkeD

****

Episode 3:_ Race to Destiny_

The athletes shot out of the starting gates. Almost immediately, Marisol shoved Zoe, prompting the shorter snowboarder to take a tumble. Glancing back at the fallen racer, Marisol waved and shouted, "See you at the finish line, honey!"

Spitting some snow out of her mouth, the punk girl grumbled, "This isn't over by a long shot."

The remaining pack of boarders stayed close together. Soon, a series of sharp bends in the track presented themselves. With her limited sight and depth perception, Elise was having a difficult time keeping up with the others and still remain on the course. She was quickly falling behind. Eventually, a stray rut caused the Canadian to stumble and pitch headlong off one of the turns. Reacting on instinct, Elise quickly reached out, managing to grab a hanging bough. Holding on precariously with both arms, the dangling snowboarder watched her snowboard tumble into the deep abyss directly below her.

"_Maybe I should have listened to Brodi after all,"_ Elise thought.

"Snap!" Alarmed, the blonde looked up and saw her bough beginning to break. With no footholds to speak of, and a cliff wall made up of jagged outcroppings, the chances of the Canadian surviving the fall appeared bleak.

Despite herself, Elise began to chuckle. _"Killed by a cliché, how poetic. Brodi would probably find a meaning in it somewhere."_

"Snap!" The branch Elise was holding sagged a bit more. _"Come to think of it, isn't there a lullaby involving cradles and breaking boughs?"_ "Great," Elise muttered, "I'm going to be killed by a double cliché."

"ELISHE!!"

"Huh?" Glancing upward, Elise saw a gloved hand reaching down toward her. "Eddie? What are you doing here?"

"Whaz it wook like I'm duwin? I'm wying to wescue you!"

"O.K. Stupid question, " Elise grumbled. The Canadian racer shouted, "How on earth are you going to pull me up by yourself?"

"Don't haf to. Wotz of handwoltz here. Just weed to get you wup where I wam!"

Elise sighed. "Not that I have much of a choice." Carefully, taking Eddie's hand, the blonde snowboarder slowly pulled herself up to a point where she could readily grab some openings in the rock face. Assisting one another, the two athletes methodically scaled back to the top of the cliff. Exhausted from the effort, they both laid in the snow, trying to catch their breath.

Eddie exclaimed, "I wink I'm gowin to haf a hernwia!"

Elise turned her head toward her friend and asked, "How did you know I was in trouble?"

The redheaded youth shrugged, "Wust zixth zenze, I wuez."

Elise was silent for a moment. Facing Eddie once again, she said, "Does this mean you forgive me?"

Eddie thought a bit, then answered, "Swure. Wuh wair will grow back ewenwually." Becoming serious, he looked at Elise. "Long hair iz weazy to weplace. Fwiends aren't."

Elise was grateful she had such a good racing companion. "Thanks Eddie." Having gotten her wind back, Elise stood up. Smiling, she reached down to Eddie. "Buds, then?"

Taking his friend's hand, Eddie pulled himself off the ground and gave his usual lopsided grin. "Wight on!"

"Well then, bud," Elise gestured at the remainder of the course, "Don't you have a race to win?"

"What awout you?"

"Don't worry about me. I'll meet you back at the hotel." Elise pointed toward the cliff's edge. "Besides, I couldn't race, even if I wanted to. My snowboard's gone."

Eddie strapped his snowboard back on. "You wure?"

The blonde made a "shooing" motion with her hands. "Just go already, will you?" As Eddie pulled away and headed down the track, Elise cupped her hands over her mouth and yelled, "And win one for all us short-haired people!" Chuckling, Elise didn't need to see Eddie to know he had probably rolled his eyes at that comment. Surprisingly feeling refreshed, the Canadian turned around and started trudging back toward the starting gates.

----------------------

Meanwhile, farther into the race, Brodi was having a terrible time maintaining the lead. Elise wasn't a threat. She had already dropped a considerable distance from the others not long after the beginning of the race. Eddie and Zoe were nowhere to be seen. Presumably, those two had found alternative routes down the slope. However, for much of the competition, Marisol, Moby, Kaori, Luther, and Psymon had been staying close behind the surfer. The nature of Brodi's alpine board made steering on the numerous turns quite difficult. Furthermore, any time Moby came within arms distance of him, the Englishman tried to push Brodi off course.

Spying a slope up ahead, Brodi prepared himself for the jump. _"Perhaps performing an aerial trick will provide the calm I need to win this race."_ Hitting the jump perfectly, Brodi completed his favorite move, the hang 10 backflip. Feeling the air flowing around him, the snowboarder felt at peace. "Enlightening!" Seeing several of his peers falling farther behind, Brodi became more relaxed. _"Thank you, Buddha."_

Alas, Brodi's personal triumph was short-lived. The Buddhist had failed to notice Moby using Brodi's jump as a chance to close the gap between the two competitors. Hence, when the surfer landed, he was totally unprepared for Moby's shove.

"See you later, chap!" Out of control, Brodi careened right into a deep snow bank.

The Englishman took the opportunity to glance back and mock his fallen comrade. "Nobody messes with Moby Jones!" Unfortunately for Moby, that little distraction proved costly. With his eyes looking elsewhere, the English boarder failed to see the turn in front of him. Crashing through a small fence, Moby only had time to yell, "Oh bugger!'' before flying straight into a muddy pigpen. The local residents of the small farm stared at the strange intruder.

As some of the other racers passed, Luther took the time to shout, "Hey Moby! Decided to take time to visit relatives?" The Englishman was swearing profusely as he tried cleaning the muck off from himself.

Moby's mishap allowed Marisol to assume the lead. Close behind her were Kaori, Psymon, and Luther. Using a straight stretch running alongside a partially frozen stream to good effect, the Latino beauty extended her lead a bit. _"If no more curves present themselves for a while, I should be able to maintain this speed easily."_ Already thinking about her upcoming victory, Marisol smirked. _"Zoe underestimated me. Did she not think I could be aggressive as well?"_ A few small rocks suddenly fell down in front her, disturbing her pleasant train of thought. The alpine boarder looked up in surprise.

"Remember me?"

__

"No! That's impossible! Where did she come from?" From a ledge above, Zoe was keeping pace with Marisol.

Looking down at her competitor, Zoe grinned. "Did you think you could get rid of me that easily? Here, let me show you how it's done."

With that, Zoe launched herself from the ledge, intending to strike Marisol. Unfortunately for both athletes, the punk girl miscalculated her jump. Consequently, instead of making a clean landing, Zoe ended up getting entangled with Marisol. Both snowboarders tumbled right into the nearby creek.

"This is all your fault, you stupid cow!!"

"It wouldn't have happened if you'd minded your own business!!"

As the two racers wasted time quarreling, Kaori zipped by. Having had no mishaps herself, she was able to acquire a fairly decent lead. Seeing another series of twisty curves up ahead, the teenager grinned. Her current freestyle board was well suited to handling such sharp maneuvers. With luck, that advantage would allow her to win the race.

"FRENCH TOAST AND SYRUP!!"

__

"Or maybe not." Taking a quick glance, Kaori could see Psymon rapidly gaining speed. She had forgotten that Psymon's BMX style snowboard was equally adept at turning corners_. "He seems to be going awfully fast in this dangerous area, maybe too fast."_ Sure enough, the psychotic Canadian was soon racing beside her, passing along the inside lane. Kaori was hard-pressed to keep up with him. Moreover, she was starting to get really worried about their increasing speed.

Kaori yelled at Psymon, "We're going too fast!"

The maniac looked at her incredulously, "I hate to break it to you, runt, but this is supposed to be a race!" He pondered a moment and added, "At least I think it is." He consulted his shoulder, "Right, tatoo-boy?"

The Japanese youth persisted, "It's too dangerous!"

Psymon shouted, "What ARE you, my MOTHER?" Extending both arms from his sides, the Canadian exclaimed, "I LIVE FOR DANGER!!"

"Baka!!" Noticing a particularly nasty curve looming in the distance, Kaori decided to slow down a little. _"I tried to warn him. If Psymon wants to foolishly risk his life, that's his problem."_ She suddenly felt an arm wrapped around her shoulders. Seeing it was Psymon, she yelled, "What are you doing?"

The Canadian explained, "You see, when I first came beside you, I thought, 'Now wouldn't it be fun to push that whinny little pipsqueak off the edge.' "

Kaori struggled to get away. "Let go of me, you jerk!!"

Psymon ignored Kaori's hysterics. "But then, when you talked about speed and danger, I figured, 'Poor kid, she's probably been deprived of true danger all her life.' "

They were still approaching the turn at an insane speed. Kaori tried slugging her captor, "Creep!!"

She could just as well have been tickling him. "Then, after much mental pain and anguish lasting for a nanosecond, I said to myself, 'Psy, old buddy, why don't you take the halfpint with you? Let her know TRUE danger?' "

As they were nearing the curve, Kaori could see a valley VERY far below. "Baka!! Do you want us to die!!"

Stopping his one-sided discussion, Psymon grinned at the youth. "Yeah, ain't it FUN!!"

They were almost at the edge. Taking a deep breath, Kaori looked Psymon right in the eye and screamed as loud as she could, "YOU'RE CRAZY!!!!"

"Gee, my doctor says the same thing!"

_"Why do I even bother?"_ Kaori thought sourly. Knowing her doom was imminent, the teenager squeezed her eyes shut. _"Perishing in the arms of a crazy jerk, what a rotten way to die."_ Suddenly, she felt herself yanked around in a tight circle and halting to a quick stop. _"I don't think falling to my death should feel quite like that."_ Ever so slowly, she opened one eye. The first thing she noticed was that she was still on the racetrack. Cracking her eye open a little bit more, Kaori found that she was standing within a small donut-shaped trail in the snow. Finally, opening her eyes completely, the teen realized she was still very much alive and that Psymon was standing nearby, roaring in maniacal laughter.

"AHA HAA HAAA HAAA!!! Squirt, you should have seen the look on your face!!! BWAH HAAA HAAA HAAA!!!!"

Kaori could feel her face turning red as her temper began to boil over. Clutching her hands at her sides, she growled, "…Psymon…"

Even Psymon could tell the Japanese youth wasn't amused. His laughter subsiding, the Canadian scowled and shouted, "WHAT!! Didn't you think it was funny?"

Disengaging herself from her snowboard, Kaori marched right up to Psymon, and yelled in his face, "NO!!!!"

Irritated, the crazy snowboarder gave Kaori a push, causing her to fall flat on her butt. "Fine!! Last time I do YOU any favors, brat!!" Preparing to leave, Psymon regarded the teenager once more and added, "I'd like to say it's been swell, but it hasn't, so…I've got a race to win. Later, loser!"

"STARK!! Papa's comin' to bring you some paaaiiiiin!!" Before Psymon could react, Luther barreled right into him, launching the Canadian into the air. Psymon crashed into Kaori, who was just starting to get back up. The two snowboarders went sailing off the edge of the cliff into the valley below. Watching the two falling racers, Luther sheepishly mumbled, "Eh…didn't mean to get you too, kid. Sorry about that." Figuring there was nothing he could do to help, Luther merely shrugged and continued on the course.

----------------------

"Great!! Just FREAKIN' great!!" The last thing Psymon had wanted was to get clobbered by the overgrown oaf of an athlete.

Falling beside him, Kaori yelled, "This is all your fault, Psymon!!" True, blaming the maniac may have been a petty way to end her last moments, but it made her feel good.

"MY fault?"

"Hai!!"

"Is not!!"

"Is to!!"

"Is not!!"

"Is to!!"

"IS NOT!!"

"IS TO!!"

"IS NOT!!"

"IS TO!!"

"IS…where was I? I lost track."

"BAKA!!"

"You think this is fun for ME!! I've got to listen to some underdeveloped BRAT whine all the way down before we go SPLAT!!"

"You're so mean!!"

"Well, I LIKE mean!!"

"I DON'T!! Blehh!!"

"You call THAT a face!! Now HERE'S a face! BoOgAWooGAhugGiEnUGgiElugGIeIIIIEEEEEAAAH HAAA!!!!"

"Gross!! You spit on me!!"

"Well, isn't THAT sad? Bite me!! OWW!! Not literally, twirp!!"

"You deserved it!!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Baka!! Why are you looking at me like that!"

"YOU did it!!!'

"Did what?!"

"You're the dirtbag who put syrup in my hair!!"

"…umm…How did you know?"

"I didn't, but NOW I do!!"

"…umm…You're not mad?"

"What! Are you brain dead? Of course I'm mad!!"

"You did it to me first!!"

"Oh yeah? At least I was more freakin' creative, stuffed bear-for-brains!!"

"Ooooh…Just shut up, Psymon!!"

"Fine!! Then I won't tell you about that little pool we're going to fall in!!"

"You just did!"

"Huh? Tattoo-boy!! How could you! I thought we agreed not tell the spoiled, whiny, loser excuse of a daddy's girl our little secret!!"

"…grrr…PSYMON!!!"

"Here it comes, brat. Hey! Why are you grabbing me?"

"umm…You'll cushion my fall?"

"WHAT!! You little…You're supposed to break MY fall!"

"Hey!! Stop that, baka!!"

"OW!! Hold still squirt! What the…we're right back where we started!!"

"Big meanie!!"

"Runt!!"

"JERK!!"

"TWIRP!!"

"SPLASH!!!"

The two bickering rivals fell into the small pool simultaneously. After a moment, Psymon broke the surface. Paddling to the edge of the pool, he pulled himself out. Coughing and sputtering, he tried to get his bearings.

"Ack…huff…wheeze…Nothing like a little death plunge to clean one's lungs…cough…hack." The athlete grinned, "Oh well, what is stronger will kill us." Psymon shook his head. "Er…that's not how it goes…ah, screw it!" Checking around, he tried to spot Kaori. "Wonder if the brat made it?" Deciding she might still be in the pool, Psymon glanced into the water. "Heck! Why am I bothering? The ungrateful rugrat would probably just… yell……at………me..."

Catching a glimpse of his reflection in the water, what he saw was certainly NOT what he had expected. The image peering back wasn't the grinning, handsome, albeit slightly psychotic, male visage Psymon normally gazed into every morning. Instead, it was the face of a young girl in her preteens, clad in a slightly ragged t-shirt and a denim skirt. A couple of sharp glances told Psymon that nobody else was present. When the snowboarder looked at the pool again, the young girl stared right back. The racer noticed a small object perched on his, now her, head. Psymon numbly reached up and gently grabbed it. Holding it in her hands, she could see it was a small unconscious humanoid creature, less than an adult hand's length in height. What struck Psymon the most about the little being was not it's dragonfly wings, or it's antennae, or even it's extra set of insect-like arms, but rather that it's facial and hair features were essentially identical to Kaori's.

This strange turn of events went far beyond anything the crazy Canadian's warped sense of reality could conceive. Screaming out to the heavens, the young girl cried, "WHAT IN FREAKIN' @#*$&)#!)\#*% IS GOING ON!!!!"

"I'm afraid miss customer," Psymon whipped her head around and saw a middle-aged woman addressing her, "that you and your friend have fallen into the spring of drowned magical girl hero and her magical companion."


	4. Revelations and Frustrations

Hi again! ^_^

A special "Thank You!!" to Pudgoose for leaving some nice reviews and for promoting this story. I really, REALLY appreciate the support! ^_^ I would also like to return the favor and suggest that if you're interested in reading other SSX Tricky fanfics, try checking out Pudgoose's SSX Tricky story, "We Are NOT Sports People." It's a great comedy!

SSX Tricky and it's characters are the property of EA games. Ranma 1/2 is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Inc., Kitty, Fuji TV, and Viz Communications. Xiu Mei's name was obtained from the BabyNameWorld site. The reference to jinwen was taken from the logoi.com website.

Now, on with the show... ^_^

****

PsYked

****

Chapter 4: _Revelations and Frustrations_

"STUPID @#$*%&!~(* !!!"

"Smash!!"

"Please, calm down Ms. Customer!!"

"OF ALL THE FREAKIN'...!!!"

"Slam!!"

"If you'd let me explain!!"

"THEY TOLD ME THIS NEW @#*&$)(@*# LEAGUE WAS BETTER THAN #$*&@#@)$ BMX!!!"

"Crash!!"

"Oh dear, there goes another family heirloom."

"EVEN TATTOO-BOY AGREED!!!"

"Bang!!"

"Wait!! There is a temporary solution!!"

"NOW WHAT AM I %*$&#@)(@* SUPPOSED TO DO, MAKE LEAN, MEAN RACING TRICYCLES?!!!"

"Whoosh!! Clang!! Boom!! Clink, clink, clin..."

"ARE YOU $%*&#)@& HAPPY NOW, WORLD!!!!"

"Ugh...nani?" As Kaori groggily collected her senses, the first thing she heard was the sound of breaking items and a young girl yelling at the top of her lungs. A pleading older woman's voice could also be heard. _"I feel so strange. What happened?" _The last thing she remembered was being knocked off a cliff and arguing with Psymon. _"Oh, that's right. We fell into some water." _

Shaking the cobwebs from her head, Kaori took note of her surroundings. The teen appeared to lying on some type of lightly padded surface. Turning her head, Kaori saw she was in a small cottage. Judging by it's tidy condition, the comfortable dwelling seemed well-kept. However, if the screams and the crashes were any indication, that was rapidly ceasing to be the case. 

Kaori called out, "Hello?" Nobody answered. "Hello?" Again, no response. Either the girl and woman couldn't hear her, or they were too engaged in their own activities to notice. Deciding to investigate further, Kaori struggled to sit up. _"Ooh...something doesn't feel right." _Indeed, the teen's body coordination felt completely off kilter. _"Did I get hurt?" _Trying to check herself over, Kaori lifted her hands and immediately noticed her unusually pale skin. _"Ne? Did I lose a lot of blood?" _The woman shook her head._ "I don't feel THAT weak." _Examining her arms, she detected a faint pale green aura surrounding them. Kaori blinked. _"Umm...this is starting to get a little strange."_ After a brief struggle to stand, Kaori looked down at her body. _"What? My whole body's surrounded by visible chi? And...why am I dressed like this?" _Instead of her normal jacket, t-shirt, and embroidered pants, the Japanese teenager was dressed in a black leather jacket with some Yu-Gi-Oh!-style ankh cuff links, a bikini top, ragged black leather jeans, and black sneakers. A sparkling ankh pendant hung from a necklace around her neck. She also noticed that her chest was the same pale shade as her hands. _"O.K. Now this is becoming really, REALLY weird!" _So engrossed was Kaori in examining her attire and strangely colored skin, she nearly missed her extra set of chitin-covered arms, just below her normal pair. "NANI!!"

"Zoooom!!" A perky young girl of about 11-13 years of age screeched to a halt in front of Kaori. The Japanese teenager, her head already in a whirl, could only stare in amazement. As with Kaori, herself, the kid was surrounded by an aura, this one rainbow-colored. Furthermore, the youth was dressed quite oddly, to say the least. She was wearing a slightly ratty, off-white, short-sleeved, cut-off t-shirt. Cheerfully displayed on the front of the shirt was a logo depicting a teddy bear being struck by a lightening bolt. Glancing further down, Kaori saw a denim skirt decorated with many tiny glistening stars. A pair of dark calf-high boots adorned her feet and similarly colored bracers were present on her wrists. A small earring hung from each ear. The hair, a reddish dark brown in color, was done up into two spiky, flowing pigtails. If Kaori had been thinking more clearly, she would have said the youngster's facial and hair features strongly resembled Duplica from Pokemon, with just a dash of Magical Girl Pretty Sammy and female super-saiyan added for good measure. What shocked and troubled the teenager the most, however, was the fact that the kid was clearly much, MUCH larger than she was. It was like looking into the face of a giant.

The girl grinned in an eerily familiar way. "SOOOOOOO, the little sleeping beauty awakes."

"Gulp...Who....ah...who are you?"

"Why, it's your old buddy, Psymon!" The kid winked, "Don't you recognize me?" 

"Psy...Psymon?"

"In the flesh, baby!"

"But...but..."

The girl's smile got even wider. It sent chills down Kaori's spine. "What?! Got nothing to say? Cat got your tongue?" The youth held a hand to her chin and considered, "Of course, given your size, that wouldn't be much of a meal for ol' putty-tat."

Kaori struggled to say something, ANYTHING. "...na...nani?"

The kid giggled. It wasn't necessarily a pleasant sound. "Guess I can REALLY call you a runt, eh, shortstuff?" Leaning in close, she pointed to each of her shoulders and whispered, "Say, do you think these tattoos go well with my new look?" Almost afraid to peek, Kaori glanced at the youth's shoulders. Sure enough, chain tattoos similar to Psymon's were present on both arms. Crazy as it seemed, there appeared to be little doubt that somehow, someway, this was actually Psymon.

The weirdness factor became too much for Kaori to take. "Uhhh..." Her eyes rolling to the back of her head, the teen promptly fainted.

Psymon, witnessing Kaori's collapse, blinked and said, "Can I take that as a yes?"

----------------------

"Splash!"

"Gurgle...ugh...Hey!!" Kaori was rudely awakened with a spray of water.

"Rise and shine, pipsqueak!"

Disoriented, Kaori instinctively yelled out, "PSYMON!!" She had failed to notice the female pitch of Psymon's new voice.

"Geez, you're an ungrateful runt. Would you rather I had tried waking you by frying you in a skillet? Although...come to think of it, that would have probably been more fun, hee, hee."

A little more alert, Kaori caught the feminine giggle. Turning around in dread, she saw the young girl from earlier. _"She's Psymon? That means..." _She groaned, "Kuso...I thought was I was only having a bad dream."

"'Fraid not, squeaky."

Kaori gave Psymon the evil eye. "Don't call me that."

"sQuEaky, SqUeAKy, sQUEEEEEAKY!!!"

No doubt about it, this was definitely Psymon. "...grrrrr...BAKA!!!"

"I see miss little customer is awake." Kaori spotted a middle-aged woman approaching them. Judging by the voice, she must have been the woman the teen had heard earlier. She was dressed in a loose-sleeved blouse, dress slacks, and canvas shoes. A little nametag labeled, 'Jusenkyo Guide', was clipped on the breast pocket. Being a fan of manga, Kaori immediately recognized the designation. _"Jusenkyo? But I thought Jusenkyo was only an imaginary location?" _Oddly enough, this person was also surrounded by visible chi, a mixture of white light interspersed with wispy strands of orange, yellow and violet. "If you are both ready, I believe I can explain what has happened to you." As the guide shot an irritated glance at Psymon, the Japanese teen noted the woman's aura became more orange. 

"No."

The guide looked at Psymon in surprise. "Pardon?" Her aura turned a turquoise hue.

The girl who was Psymon clasped her hands and looked at the woman with big, pleading eyes. "Please, lady, do you HAVE to?"

The Jusenkyo guide could only blink in confusion at her 'customer's' unusual behavior. Kaori now saw a pale green light surrounding the perplexed woman. _"Wait, that's the same color chi that surrounded me earlier. Are these chi related to emotion?" _Kaori was beginning to suspect the true nature of the auras.

Lifting one hand to her forehead, Psymon assumed a melodramatic pose. "After all, there's NO WAY to predict how the truth will affect my tender, impressionable, young mind!"

Kaori muttered, "There's nothing tender about you, jerk."

Psymon managed to overhear Kaori. "Oh, squeaky, you wound me to the core."

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!!!"

The Jusenkyo guide stared at her guests. _"These two are indeed most strange."_ Addressing Kaori and Psymon, she started to say, "Now, if I may..."

Quickly changing emotions, Psymon growled, "Tell us what?!! That I'm now a disgustingly cute shrimp that's barely old enough to be out of diapers?!!" She jabbed a finger at Kaori. "Or maybe you just wanted to say the brat here has become a freak?!!" 

"I am NOT a FREAK!!"

Looking at Kaori, the preteen smirked. "Wanna bet?" She briefly searched the room and picked up a piece of a broken mirror that was smashed during the earlier commotion. Holding it in front of the Japanese teenager, Psymon said, "Take a look."

Kaori was forced to confront her reflection. As the teen had already determined, she was wearing goth-style apparel. The teenager noticed that her face and neck were the same pale, bleached shade of white as her hands and chest. With the exception of a pair of antennae protruding from her forehead, her hair and facial features appeared to be the same as they were prior to the transformation. _"Wait a minute, antennae?!!" _Slowly bringing her hand up to feel the elegant, knobbed stalks, the athlete found that they were indeed directly attached to her head. An experimental twitch caused one of the antennae to move. The Japanese youth swallowed nervously. Now that she was more closely examining her face, Kaori could also see two small pointed tips barely jutting past her upper lip. Opening her mouth, she was surprised to find a couple of vampire fangs where her canines would normally be. Frightened, Kaori quickly clamped her mouth shut. A quick glance downward immediately verified the existence of the extra pair of black, chitin-covered arms. At the end of each extra arm was an equally armored five-digit hand. By this point, fear and disgust were quickly overtaking the teenager. Turning away from the reflection, Kaori detected a slight fluttering behind her back. Hesitatingly craning her neck, the snowboarder was shocked to discover a set of four dragonfly wings. Facing the mirror once more, Kaori tried to move the appendages. To her dismay, she saw the wings open and close. _"Psymon's right. I…I AM a freak." _Shuddering, Kaori backed away from the mirror shard, repulsed by her own image.

Witnessing Kaori's stunned silence, Psymon smirked once more. "Told you so." Facing the guide, the transformed Canadian glared at the woman and said, "What can you possibly tell us THAT WE DON'T ALREADY KNOW!!!"

"The story behind the particular spring you fell in…"

"BIG FREAKIN' HAIRY DEAL!!!!"

"…and perhaps a way to cure your condition."

"YOU CAN TAKE YOUR $&^#&@*$% STORY AND STICK IT UP…huh?" Psymon blinked, paused a moment to digest what she had just heard, then blinked again. "Really?"

The guide nodded.

The girl walked up to the woman and leaned toward her, raising one skeptical eyebrow. "No kidding? You're not just telling me what you think I want to hear, right?" Psymon looked off to the side and grumbled, "The docs are always pullin' that stuff with me." The preteen paused and conceded. "Gotta admit, though, they do hand out some great treats." She smiled in fond remembrance. "Take those deep-fried candy bars, for instance. Yum, they go so well with raspberry jelly, strawberry jelly, grape jam…"

As Psymon extolled upon the virtues of deep-fried candy bars, seemingly oblivious to the situation at hand, the Jusenkyo guide nervously thought, _"In all my time here, never has there been a customer who has been so peculiar." _The girl's mentioning of 'doctors' did nothing to reassure the bemused woman. Wishing to avoid agitating the preteen any more than necessarily, the guide waited for Psymon to end her trip down dessert lane.

"…Oh yeah! I forgot about the chocolate crepes! Nothing can top those terrific…Well, actually you can. Whipped cream, ice cream, sprinkles and cherries…"

The Jusenkyo guide sighed. Already twenty minutes had passed and the unusual customer showed no signs of stopping. Turning to observe her other tiny guest, she could see the little goth fairy was still depressed. Meanwhile, the strange girl continued to merrily ramble on.

"…hot fudge. Hey! I wonder what would happen if I combined deep-fried candy bars and crepes? Oh yeah, baby! That would be sweeeeet! Smother it with caramel, peanuts, pecans…"

"Ahem." Clearing her throat, the Jusenkyo guide interrupted Psymon's reverie. "Miss customer, I think it would be best if we continue."

"…Somebody would probably nag me about all those calories. Well, screw them! If I want…" Psymon stopped in mid sentence. Seeing the guide's expectant expression, she clapped her hands and exclaimed, "Gather around, kiddies! Teacher's going to tell us how we can get back to normal!" Darting off momentarily, the preteen rushed back with a stool and placed it next to the table where Kaori was moping. Plopping down on the chair, Psymon leaned toward the Japanese snowboarder and whispered a not-so-quiet aside, "Hey squeaky! Better listen up!"

Hearing Psymon's voice, Kaori was rousted out of her funk long enough to shout back, "I told you not to call me that, baka!"

Shaking her head at her guests' antics, the Jusenkyo guide began speaking. "I believe we have not been properly introduced. My name is Xiu Mei. As you have no doubt noticed, I am the current guide and caretaker of these cursed springs."

Kaori introduced herself next. "I'm Kaori."

Psymon interjected, "Otherwise known as squeaky, runt, brat, twirp…"

"SHUT UP, PSYMON!!!"

__

"Given her current size, the little female's tiny, high pitched voice does resemble the twittering of a songbird." Looking at the preteen, the guide asked, "Then you must be Psymon, correct?"

Psymon, who was currently engaged in a tongue war with Kaori, turned her head and said, "Yeah. What's it to you?" She then proceeded to make exaggerated facial expressions at Kaori, much to the goth fairy's irritation.

Xiu Mei rested her face in her hands and sighed. _"Why must it be so difficult?" _Addressing her visitors, she started once again. "As I told Ms. Customer earlier," the guide gestured to Psymon, "you have both fallen into the spring of drowned magical girl and her magical companion."

Kaori spoke up. "Jusenkyo is real?" Xiu Mei had to strain to understand the little female.

"No, this is all happening in MY MIND! What do you think, squirt?!"

The exasperated guide chose to ignore Psymon's sarcastic comment. "Yes, very much so."

The Japanese teen tilted her head and asked. "Ranma and the others, they are real too?"

Psymon grumbled, "Who the heck is Ranma?"

Xiu Mei chuckled. "I see you have heard of the manga. Yes, all the cursed individuals in the story were present here as well. However, the feats of martial prowess and grand adventures presented in both the manga and anime did not actually take place."

Kaori was confused. "Nani?"

The guide continued, "It was something that my father suggested to me. A group of previous visitors would gather here on a regular basis. We would sit and converse about our lives, our problems, our aspirations and triumphs. It was a means for people to relate to others who shared this unique condition and to derive strength from the mutual bonds that were formed."

"Like some freakin' losers hit with cursed spring's anonymous?!"

Xiu Mei nodded, "Uh…yes, precisely. Someone, I can't remember who, suggested the idea of writing a story loosely based on these group sessions. As with many tales, there was much exaggeration and artistic license. In a way, that was preferable, since it provided another outlet for our guests as well as protecting their actual identities. Eventually an opportunity to publish the story as a manga present itself." The guide shrugged. "The rest, as some say, was history."

Kaori pondered the guide's explanation for a moment. "So…you're Plum, right?"

Xiu Mei smiled. "Plum is one translation of my name, yes. However, I was much older than I was depicted in the story. I was actually in my early twenties when the manga was created."

The Japanese teenager grinned. "Cool!"

"Cool, drool, smool! I couldn't care less about some bozo named Ranma! What does ANY of this have to do with CURING us!!"

Kaori giggled.

Psymon shot his rival an irritated look. "What?!"

The diminutive teen giggled some more. "You look so cute when you're pouting."

"Listen, runt, you don't want to make me mad!"

Kaori smiled as she shook her head. "You're not really mad."

The cursed Canadian scowled even more. "How exactly would YOU know THAT?!"

The goth fairy smirked. "Easy, you're chi isn't red."

Psymon was temporarily thrown for a loop. "Huh?"

Xiu Mei blinked in surprise. "It appears that at least one of your cursed form's skills has manifested."

Kaori nodded. "Uh huh. I can see your chi, my chi," she gave Psymon a mischievous glance out of the corner of her eye, "that baka's chi."

"What! Hey, brat, you keep calling me a baka. What the heck's that mean?"

Seeing Psymon take the bait, the teen grinned, lifted one of her original hands, and ticked off her fingers. "Idiot, jerk, creep, pervert…"

"THOSE ARE ALL INSULTS!!"

Kaori snickered. True, the term, 'baka,' didn't literally have all those meanings, but Psymon didn't need to know that.

The girl crossed her arms and sulked. Eyeing her tiny rival, the Canadian muttered, "One good flyswatter would take care of you." Observing Psymon's unintentionally cute pout, the Japanese snowboarder rolled on the table in laughter.

"SO CUTE!!!"

"Well, I HATE cute!!"

"I don't! Tee, hee, hee!!"

Before the two cursed athletes could begin another round of bickering, Xiu Mei decided to get the conversation back on track. "To the best of my knowledge, no one has ever fallen in this particular spring."

"We're the first?"

"Yes. Presumably, since this is the spring of magical drowned girl and her companion, both of your cursed forms will possess extraordinary abilities. However, because this curse has never been seen before, there is no way to know beforehand exactly what those skills might be. My guess is that any magical attributes you have are dependent on either or both your personalities."

"You telling me the brat's responsible for this?!"

"I'm a fre…freak because of that baka?!"

The guide tried to wave off her guests' outbursts. "What I am trying to say is, whenever someone falls into a spring, the water's magic uses the victim as a template for that particular curse. If Psymon," Xiu Mei pointed to the frowning preteen, "had fallen into the spring of drowned little boy, then her cursed form would have taken on the shape of the young boy she would have naturally assumed, had she actually been born male."

Psymon objected, "Get your information straight, loser, I WAS born a freakin' guy!!" The girl glared at her shoulder. "No wisecracks from you, tattoo-boy!!" 

The Chinese woman continued, heedless of the magical girl's yelling. "Admittedly, the spring you both fell in is one of the more unusual ones. Perhaps it utilized each of you as templates, or maybe it randomly chose one of you upon which to base itself."

"I bet it was that jerk."

Xiu Mei didn't hear Kaori's grumbling. "Indeed, it is even possible that the curse you both now carry may never have been activated had only one of you fallen into the spring."

Psymon and Kaori glanced at one another, then shouted, "IT'S YOUR FAULT!!!"

The guide sighed again, a gesture she was rapidly becoming accustomed to, "Be that as it may, the curse links your destinies together."

The Canadian stared slack jawed at her host. "You mean I'm forever stuck with runty here?" Looking upwards, she screamed, "HEY, YOU PUKES!! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS!!!"

Kaori muttered, "Lots of things."

Psymon whipped her head toward the little teenager. "What was that, squeaky?!"

"DON'T…CALL…ME…SQUEAKY!!!"

Xiu Mei, struggling to maintain her patience, proceeded once more. "I did not say the curse would last forever, did I? While some Jusenkyo curses are permanent, others do wear off after a given time. In other instances, certain conditions must be met before the curse dissolves of it's own accord. I wouldn't be surprised if, given the unique nature of this particular spring, the latter wasn't true in this case."

Kaori asked, "What do we do?"

"QUIT STEALING MY LINES, BRAT!!"

The Japanese snowboarder looked at her crazy rival askance. "Ne?"

The Jusenkyo guide responded, "While I can't remember the specifics, I do believe the solution is written in one of the old books kept here."

"So, what are your waiting for, Teach? Let's see it so I can return to my own loveable self!"

__

"If it were not for miss little customer, I would be so tempted to deny helping this extremely rude Psymon." Fortunately for the Canadian, Xiu Mei avoided giving into the temptation. Walking to one of the undamaged bookshelves left standing, the Chinese woman pulled out a dusty, cracked volume. By common standards, the book appeared to be ancient. Returning to her guests, she started to open the book. "I think the answer is present…"

Psymon quickly grabbed the book. "Ooh…let me see!!" Trying to read the text, the girl scowled. "What the…it's a bunch of squigglies!!"

"The text is written in an ancient Chinese language similar to the characters on jinwen."

The psychotic magical girl scratched her head in puzzlement. "Really?" She glanced at her shoulder. "Tattoo-boy, you know this stuff?"

Kaori smacked her forehead with one of her hands. "…baka…"

Irritated, Xiu Mei snatched the book back from Psymon. "Allow me." Carefully perusing through the pages, the guide found what she was searching for. Translating for the benefit of her guests, she read, "From the seeds of bitter rivalry, new hope shall sprout forth. From the waters, a champion will arise. And with her, shall also emerge a guardian, an advisor and ally. Together, the two will right wrongs, triumph over various evils…"

__

"Sounds like Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon," Kaori thought.

"…and bring salvation among the lands. However, the way to victory shall not be easy. Friends and enemies alike will be caught up in the struggle. And the heroes will lie uneasy with their task, only finally achieving peace when…" Xiu Mei stopped reading, a frown on her face.

Worried, Kaori questioned her. "What is it?"

Psymon impatiently growled, "Yeah, get on with it, lady!!"

Silently, the Jusenkyo guide turned the book so the two cursed snowboarders could see. A jumble of crayon drawings was scribbled across one of the pages, making the text completely indecipherable. From the quality of the pictures, it was quite apparent they were the result of a child's handiwork.

Kaori was stunned speechless. "…"

Putting a finger to her chin, Psymon noted critically, "Hmm…not bad. Could use a little more magenta, however."

The two women stared at the crazy Canadian.

The preteen glanced at the two stares. "What?! You don't think I have any artistic sense?"

Kaori yelled at the girl, "IDIOT!! That was our cure!!"

Psymon became thoughtful. "Oh yeah…it was, wasn't it?"

Frustrated, the Japanese teenager repeatedly bopped her forehead with her hand. "…baka…baka…baka…baka…baka…"

Looking at the text once again, Xiu Mei said, "It would appear one of my younger cousins got a hold of this book."

Psymon snarled, "So now what?!!"

The Jusenkyo guide shrugged, "Let the prophecy run its course, I suppose."

The Canadian screeched, "THAT'S IT?!! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO JUST SIT AROUND AND WAIT FOR SOME LAME MUMBO JUMBO TO OCCUR?!!!"

Xiu Mei coolly regarded the young girl. "I imagine you will have to do more than 'just sit around.' The text did say you were to perform heroic deeds."

Psymon made a disgusted face. "Yuck! That's sounds boring." She suddenly appeared hopeful. "Sure we can't be villains, instead?"

"I doubt it. The book was quite specific up to that point."

The magical girl grumbled, "Great, just freakin' great."

Kaori remembered the Ranma 1/2 manga. "Umm…will hot water work?"

Psymon looked at the diminutive teen quizzically. "Hot water?"

Xiu Mei blinked. "Oh, yes, certainly." Turning to the Canadian, the guide explained, "Just as in the manga, hot water will indeed temporarily reverse the effects of the curse. Cold water, of course, activates it again."

Psymon stood dumbfounded for a few moments. Then she screamed, "WHY DIDN'T SOMEBODY TELL ME THIS SOONER!!!"

Xiu Mei grew embarrassed. "It slipped my mind."

The magical girl retorted, "So? I lose my mind ALL the time!! It doesn't mean I can't remember anything!!" The bewildered guide tried to comprehend Psymon's nonsensical statement.

Kaori rolled her eyes. "You should read more manga, jerk."

The Canadian glared at the fairy. "And you should watch more slasher films!! But you don't see ME telling YOU what to watch, now do you?!!"

"BAKA!!"

"You know, that's getting pretty old. Can't you come up with anything better?" 

Growling, Kaori rattled off some obscene Japanese phrases. The magical girl asked, "What the heck did you just say?"

The teenager grinned smugly. "I'm not telling."

Psymon snarled, "Hey, runt, I want to know what you just said!!"

Smiling, Kaori assumed an innocent pose and started whistling.

The Canadian tried to grab the teen. "Let's see you smile when I yank those wings off your back!!"

"IIIIIEEEEEEE!!!"

As Kaori tried to dodge Psymon's attempts to snatch her, Xiu Mei thought it the perfect opportunity to heat up some water for her guests. The two rivals were still at it when she returned with two cups of warm water. By this point, Kaori had discovered she could actually fly. Psymon was now repeatedly jumping and swiping at the air. 

"Stay still you little mosquito!!"

"You can't catch me! Bleh!!"

Failing to get either of her visitors' attention, Xiu Mei simply threw the water at the bickering duo.

"Gotcha!"

"Splash!"

"CRASH!!"

"PERVERT!!"

"SLAP!!"

Just as Psymon grabbed her, Kaori felt the transformation take place. Fearing Psymon would see her naked, she slapped him. The Japanese youth examined herself. To her great relief and surprise, she found that not only was she back to her normal self, but that she was also clothed in the same apparel she was wearing before falling into the pool. Peeking at Psymon, Kaori discovered that he, too, was fully clothed. Unfortunately, he was also still sprawled on top of her.

"Psymon…please…get …off…of…me."

The Canadian realized he was an adult male again. "Overjoyed, he sprung up and shouted, "Whoo hoo!! I'm back in the saddle, snow cone!!" Rubbing his cheek, he scowled at Kaori. "You didn't have to hit me, squirt."

The teenager looked away. "Hmmph!" She tilted her head and gazed at Psymon out of the corner of her eye. "You deserved it."

Xiu Mei observed, "Interesting. I've never seen the wearer's clothing become a part of the transformation before. Must be another unique aspect of this curse."

Kaori eagerly nodded. "Uh huh. Magical girls always get their normal clothes back when they retransform." An idea popped into her head, "Umm…couldn't we be cured by jumping into a different spring?"

Psymon glanced down at his rival in surprise. "That so, shortstuff?" He thought for a second, "I do remember seeing more pools out there." The crazy athlete's face broke in to wide grin. "Sweeeeet!!" Before anyone could object, Psymon sprinted out of the small cottage. "Last one in is a rotten egg!!"

Witnessing the Canadian's wild dash, the Jusenkyo guide turned back to Kaori and replied, "You mean, by jumping into the spring of drowned boy or drowned girl?

The Japanese woman nodded.

"Splash!"

Xiu Mei sighed. "Actually, it's not that simple. Contrary to what either the manga or anime depict, the spring's curses cannot cancel one another out."

"HEY!! THIS DIDN"T @*$^#&%#* WORK!!"

"Nor can they be mixed."

"What tattoo-boy? You're saying I should choose a different spring? Well, here goes!!"

"Splash!"

"Which is most fortunate for your friend out there."

"THIS ISN'T THE RIGHT #$*&#(@* ONE EITHER!!"

"Although, I must warn you…"

"Splash!"

"…Jusenkyo victims…"

"LAST TIME I FREAKIN' ASK YOU, TATTOO BOY!!"

"…do tend to attract…"

"Splash!"

"…cold water."

"STUPID $&^#(@)*!)#!!!" "Splash!"

Kaori whispered, "I see."

"YOU!!" A female Psymon stomped back into the small house. The youth was wearing her previous magical girl outfit. Marching up to Kaori, the preteen shouted, "YOU said this would cure me!!"

The angry Japanese snowboarder retorted. "You didn't ask first!"

The magical girl huffed. "Pleading innocence, eh, twirp?" Psymon picked up Kaori and threw her over her shoulder. Obviously, the young girl was much stronger than her size or frame would indicate. "Let's see how YOU like it, sushi-head!"

"Let me go, jerk!!"

A bemused Xiu Mei stood by as Psymon carried a kicking and screaming Kaori out the door. Soon enough, another "Splash!" was heard, followed by additional yells and insults. This, in turn, was followed by series of more splashes.

The Chinese woman shook her head. "I guess more hot water is in order." As the squabbling continued outside, Xiu Mei retrieved her two cups and went to prepare a new batch of warm water.

----------------------

Back at the hotel where the SSX tour group was staying, Elise, Seeiah, Mac, and JP were sitting in the main lobby, watching TV. They had all gathered to see the end of the race.

Mac was rubbing a bruise on his jaw. "Man, I am sooo goin' to lay down the smack on…"

"…Moby." Elise finished. "Yeah, Mac, we know. You've only said it about million times."

"But he…"

"Gave you a big boo, boo. Listen, I don't care if he had strung you up by your toenails! Just shut-up, already!"

Seeiah glanced at her Canadian counterpart. "Ooh, that was harsh, girlfriend."

"So sue me!"

"Please ladies. Keep your voices down. Oh, my aching head!!" JP was holding an icepack to his cheek.

The African-American glared at the Frenchman. "Knock off the theatrics, rich boy!"

"…oooh…"

Elise rolled her eyes. "Geez, you'd think you two had never gotten a bruise or scrape in your life."

"Amen to that, girl."

"Yo, you weren't the ones kissin' snow! Man, when I see that…"

"Mac, honey, we heard you the first time!" Wearing both wrist and ankle braces, Seeiah was in no mood to listen to either JP's or Mac's constant whining about some mere bruises. "Elise is right. Give it a rest!"

"Soyez silencieux!! Ooooowww…"

"Oh good grief."

Naomi Chen's voice rang out from the TV. "Here we go, folks! The racers are coming to the final stretch!"

Elise perked up. "Look, there's Eddie!"

Indeed, Eddie was currently in the lead. Not far behind him were Luther and Zoe. The other competitors were no where to be seen. The three athletes were entering a series of undulating, artificially created slopes. At the end of the row of smaller hills, just in front of the finish area, was a much larger and steeper incline.

Luther, currently in second position, bellowed out, "Wimp!! Your butt is mine!!"

Eddie took a brief moment to glance at his backside. Looking back at Luther, he yelled, "I don't shwee your wame there, Wuther!"

"ARRRGH!!! Pray I don't catch you, punk!!"

"You got bigger things to worry about, porky!" Zoe soared over Luther, doing a 1080º back flip.

"Woman!! When I get my hands on you!!"

"Gotta catch me first!! Hey, Wachowski! Here I come!!"

The nineteen-year old swung his head around and spotted Zoe rapidly approaching. With only the last large slope up ahead, Eddie knew he had to make this final jump count.

Elise shouted, "Come on Eddie! You can do it!"

Mac commented, "Yo! Where's Moby? I'm telling ya, when I see his lamo butt, I'll…"

"BE QUIET, MAC!!!"

"Ma tête! …Oooooohh…"

"Don't know what you just said, flyboy, but the same goes for you too!"

Unaware of his arguing teammates, Eddie crouched down, hoping to achieve more momentum. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Zoe boarding beside him.

The feisty snowboarder chuckled at her opponent's shocked expression. "Surprised? Tell you what, I won't shove you if you don't shove me. Person who catches best air wins." Seeing Eddie's non-believing look, she shrugged. "Hey, girl's gotta make it interesting, right?"

Not quite believing his luck, Eddie simply nodded, accepting Zoe's terms. Both boarders focused on the last jump, gathering as much speed as they could. They hit the top of the slope at the same instant.

"WIGHT ON, WABBY!!"

"MAKIN' IT LAST!!"

As fate would have it, the two athletes hit their respective peaks simultaneously. Eddie was performing the 'coffin roll' while Zoe was doing a 'pommel me.' Unfortunately, Zoe wasn't completely recovered from when she and Marisol had plunged into the frozen creek earlier. The punk girl was nearly completing her ubër trick when a sudden sneeze attack hit her. "AH, AH CHOO!!"

Zoe's sneeze caused her to loose control of her motion. Off balance, she crashed into Eddie in mid air. A sudden sense of dejá vu overcame Zoe. "CRUD!! NOT AGAIN!!"

Like Icarus, the two snowboarders plummeted to earth, impacting only a couple of feet from the end. Despite being tangled up with Eddie, Zoe was absolutely determined to win. She started to crawl forward in the hope of extending a hand beyond the finish line.

"Almost…there." Her hand suddenly stopped moving forward. Zoe felt a dragging weight behind her. Craning her neck to see what was occurring, she spotted Eddie clamped tight onto her left leg. "Hey!! Let go!!"

Despite her protests, the youth refused to release her. His eyes were shut in complete concentration. "…wust win…"

"You moron!! If you don't let go, neither of us will win!!"

"…wust win…"

"UGGGH!!! WHY ME!!!"

Witnessing Zoe's attempts to kick and shake off Eddie, Elise lowered her forehead into her hand and said, "Geez, this is embarrassing."

Seeiah awkwardly patted the blonde on the back. "Don't worry, girlfriend. When this is long over, we'll be able to laugh about it."

"Boy, that make me feel SOOO much better."

The African-American shrugged. "Can't say I didn't try."

Mac grumbled, "You think that's embarrassing? How about what happened to me?! I'm goin' to get a piece of Moby soooo bad…erk!!"

Seeiah and JP stared with wide eyes at Elise, who was now standing over an unconscious Mac. Shaking a fist at JP, the Canadian snarled, "Got anything to add, JP?"

"…meep…"

"Didn't think so."

Meanwhile, Zoe was having her own frustrations. "Stupid, lousy…what are you, part octupus?!!"

"…wu…wu…wu…ust wi…wi…wi…in…"

"YEE HAH!! TOUCHDOWN, BA…oof!!" Trying to complete his own ubër trick, Luther crash-landed right on his face. Despite that mishap, however, the heavyset athlete managed to fly past the finish line, winning the race.

Zoe couldn't believe her extraordinarily bad luck. "Of all the rotten…to come so close." She turned and yelled at Eddie, "YOU HAPPY NOW, WACHOWSKI!!! WE BOTH #&$^*@(*$ LOST!!!"

"…wust win…"

"CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE REMOVE THIS DICKHEAD FROM ME?!!!"

In the winner's circle, Luther was eating up the audience praise. "KING OF THE WORLD, BABY!!! KING OF THE WORLD!!!" In his excitement, the large snowboarder performed his own touchdown dance. "You know you love me!! You know you love me!!" For the moment, at least, Luther was truly the champ.


	5. Don't Scream for Ice Cream!

Greetings!

A very big *thanks* =D to all of you who have read this story (and especially to those who have left reviews ; ) ). Sorry for the delay. Ooh boy, did this chapter really balloon out . ^ ^;; Oh well, I hope you all likey! ^_^

Oh, and for anyone who is wondering, Eddie will get his afro back in the next chapter (WILL he ever!! Heh, heh). ; )

SSX Tricky and it's characters are the property of EA games. Ranma 1/2 is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Inc., Kitty films, Fuji TV, and Viz Communications. References to Chinese mythological beings mainly come from spiritonline.com and Surge.com.hk. Any other copyrighted characters, approximate representations or otherwise, are the property of their respective owners. If I've forgotten to acknowledge anything else (sometimes it's hard for me to remember if certain scenarios are stuff I've read in other fanfics, or simply ideas that I've tumbled around in various rough drafts), just let me know, and I'll give proper credit. ^ ^;;

Cheers! ^_^

****

PsYked

****

Chapter 5: _Don't Scream for Ice Cream!_

"You can exit the valley through that mountain pass over to your right. Eventually, you should be able to reach one of the local villages." Xiu Mei, Psymon, and Kaori were standing outside the guide's humble dwelling. Currently in their normal forms, the two athletes were preparing to leave. Taking a moment to consider her visitors, the guide grew curious. "If I may ask, why did you come here?"

A grumpy Psymon answered, "Don't tell me you haven't heard of the SSX tour, lady?"

Kaori reprimanded her rival. "Idiot, not everyone knows us!"

The Canadian smirked. "I wasn't referring to you, pipsqueak. I meant me."

"Umm…Excuse me?"

"Oooooooh…PSY…eh?" Reminded of the Jusenkyo guide's presence, Kaori became embarrassed. "Hee, hee…Gomen nasai." Collecting herself, the teen continued, "Hai, we're snowboarders from SSX Tricky."

Xiu Mei understood. "You were having a race, yes?" She shook her head. "I tried to tell the organizers not to place the route so close to these springs, but they insisted."

Psymon peered past the guide's shoulder. Pointing to a small kiosk he said, "Yeah, right. I suppose that just sprouted up from some magic seeds, huh?"

Kaori peeked at what the psychotic racer was referring to. A little souvenir booth, complete with a painted sign labeled, "Thank you for visiting Jusenkyo Springs," proudly stood next to the cottage. T-shirts, posters, and other assorted trinkets were on display.

It was Xiu Mei's turn to blush. "Well…since the opportunity presented itself, it seemed a good way to make some extra money."

Kaori blinked, then shrugged. _"Why should Jusenkyo be any different than anywhere else?" _The Japanese teenager bowed toward her host. "Domo arrigato gozaimas, Ms. Xiu Mei." Kaori glanced at Psymon out of the corner of her eye, expecting him to also thank the guide.

"…"

Exasperated, Kaori elbowed Psymon in the gut. "Say something, baka!"

"…"

"Grrr." Facing her host, the female boarder bowed once more. "And Psymon says 'thanks you', too."

"Hey, squirt! You didn't allow me enough stinkin' time to think!!"  


"JERK!! How hard is it to say, 'Thank you'?!!"

"Thank you?!! I'm supposed to tell her, 'thank you' for this $&^#*(@$# curse?!! This is worse than the time my freakin' mom gave me stuffed bunny slippers for Christmas!!"

"BAKA!! It's not her fault we are…You have bunny slippers?"

"…duh…Yeah!! So?!"

"Are they pink?"

"Of course they're pink!! What difference does it make?!!"

"Do you still wear them?"

"…"

"You DO wear them!"

"What is this, twenty questions?!!"

"…snicker…"

"Hey! Canadian winters are COLD!!"

"…tee, hee, hee…"

"Are you laughing at me, twerp?"

"HA HA HAA HAA!!!" 

"Look, it was my mom's fault, O.K.!!"

"TEE HEE HEE HEEE!!!"

"I asked for the brown, plain, bunny slippers!!" 

"YOU asked!!! HAA HAA HAAA HAAA!!!"

"But would she listen? NOOOOOO!!"

"HEE HEE HEEE HEEE!!!"

"She gave me the stuffed pink ones!!"

"PINK!!! TOO FUNNY!!! HAA HAAA HAAA HAAAA!!!"

"Heck!! She didn't even get a present for tattoo-boy!!!"

"TEEE HEEE HEEEE HEEEEE!!!!"

"So I had to share one with the poor little guy!!!"

"PLEASE STOP!!! IT HURTS!!! HAA HAAA HAAAA HAAAAA HAAAAAA TEEE HEEE HEEEE HEEEEE!!!!" Kaori was rolling on the ground, gales of laughter gushing out of her. Even Xiu Mei couldn't hide a smile.

Psymon crossed his arms. "Well, hardy, har, har, har. You better not tell anyone about this, brat."

Kaori stood up, struggling to bring her laughter under control. "Gomen, Psymon. But… HAA HAAA HAAAA HAAAAA HAAAAAA!!!!" The teen flopped back on the ground, rolling in mirth.

The Canadian sulked. Suddenly a wicked idea occurred to him. Glancing at the guide he asked, "Say, do YOU have a curse?"

Xiu Mei quickly lost her smile. "Actually I do not. Why?"

Psymon grinned. It was a menacing sight. "Well, well…Ms. Little Prim-and-Proper doesn't have a curse, hmm?" He started walking toward the Chinese woman, much like a predator stalks its prey.

Xiu Mei began backing up, not at all liking where this was going. "Plea…please sir, what do you intend to do?"

The psychotic racer's smile grew. "Why, only to give you an opportunity to better relate to your 'visitors'."

"Mis…mister customer…you…you don't really want to do this."

"Oh…but I do." Psymon dashed toward Xiu Mei. "Come to daddy, baby!!"

"EEEEEEEEEK!!!!"

"PSYMON, YOU CREEP!!! YOU LEAVE MS. PLUM ALONE!!!" 

And the chase was on, with a terrified Xiu Mei running for her life as Psymon tried playing a game of, "let's dunk the frightened guide into a cursed pool." Kaori was damage control, desperately rushing after the maniac to prevent him from doing something which everyone but he would regret. The chaos ended when the Japanese teen managed to trip the Canadian, sending the two of them into another spring.

"Splash!"

"Now look what you did, squeaky!!"

"You were trying to hurt Ms. Xiu Mei…AND DON'T CALL ME SQUEAKY!!!"

"You NEVER let me have ANY fun!!"

"Stop that!! You sound like a little kid!!"

"HELLOOOOO!!! I AM a little kid, peanut butter-brain!!"

"You don't have to act like one!!"

"Don't nag me, squeaky!!"

"I…TOLD…YOU…NOT…TO…CALL…ME…THAT!!!"

"Well, you can't stop me!! Squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squeaky…"

"SHUT-UP!!!"

"…squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squ…OW!! You bit me!!!"

"You didn't listen to me, jerk!!"

"You little vampire!! How about I yank those fangs out your mouth?!!"

"IIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!"

As the new chase ensued, Xiu Mei, safely locked within her home, began heating two more cups of water. She made sure the water for Psymon was considerably hotter than Kaori's.

----------------------

"Sheesh...this bloody smarts! Mates, I think I see some audience bleachers up ahead."

"That's good to hear. How are you doing, Marisol?"

"Just get me someplace warm, Brodi-dear. Ah...ah...AH CHOO!!"

The Buddhist sighed. This wasn't certainly the finish he'd hoped for, with Moby limping and occasionally whimpering alongside him and Marisol riding on the surfer's back. Their three snowboards trailed forlornly behind, attached to a rope currently being tugged by Brodi. _"It's a good thing we came across that second small farm," _the surfer reflected. The kindly old man living there had given them the rope. He had also provided the blanket currently wrapped around Marisol. Unfortunately, the small hamlet didn't have any telephone or any other means of rapid communication. Hoping to find the next checkpoint along the course, the three weary snowboarders moved onward. _"Just like three hopelessly lost kittens." _Brodi found that particular image rather troubling.

The Englishman winced. "Ow! Why'd she have to ruddy knee me?"

"We all know how independent Zoe is. I thought you would have known that as well as anyone."

"I was only trying to help!"

"By offering to carry her? You made an unwise choice, my friend. Besides, as I recall, you were just lecturing me on that sort of thing not long ago."

"There's a difference between butting in where you're not wanted and trying to be a bloody gentleman! Oooh...me poor family jewels."

"And we all know how Brodi-dear is such a gentleman. Ah...AH CHOO!"

"Perhaps too much so," the blonde athlete muttered. Alarmed at this rather uncharitable thought, Brodi mentally chastised himself. _"Forgive me, Buddha."_

Moby smirked. "You just want to find some way into the bloke's pants, luv."

"AH CHOO!! At least he has something worth finding there!"

"How would you know that?"

"Woman's intuition."

"Could we please change the topic?"

"Ha!…ouch...is that what you said about JP?"

"Jean-Paul had certain...AH CHOO!!...desirable assets. However, I believe Brodi-honey is so much nicer."

"Moby? Marisol? Excuse me, but if I may suggest..."

"Not bloody likely."

"Why, Mr. Jones, are you implying that you're better?"

"Better?! There's nobody who can top ol' Moby Jones!" The English snowboarder started singing, "It's big..."

__

"Oh Buddha, please, not this again." "Moby, perhaps you should..."

"...it's round, it's worth a million pounds! IT'S MOBY JONES!! IT'S MOBY JONES!! Ack! For the bloomin' love of...couldn't she have just said no?"

"AH CHOO!! Hmm...rather cute, Mr. Jones. Still, I feel my Brodi is superior."

__

"MY Brodi?!"

"Luv, you obviously don't know what you're talking about. Why, during the first year of the SSX..."

To the surfer's dismay, the argument become more explicit as Moby bragged up his attributes and Marisol defended Brodi's. Desperately trying and failing to maintain his earlier mental image of kittens, Brodi stared at the ground and did his best to block out the conversation. _"Come on Brodi, you can do this. It's only a matter of taking one step at a time."_

----------------------

"YEEEEEOOOOOOWWWW!!!! DOES IT HAVE TO BE THAT HOT?!!!"

"Cry baby." Kaori, now in her normal form, impassively watched as a male Psymon scampered around the Jusenkyo guide's small home. Not realizing her cup of water had been much cooler than the Canadian's, the teen wasn't sure if all the hopping, gyrations, and contortions were legitimate or merely another one of the maniac's outrageous antics.

"Must have heated it a little too long." The glare Xiu Mei was directing at Psymon could have sliced through diamond.

"Loser!! You scalded me on purpose!!"

Seeing the growing tension between the two older adults, the teenager gulped and nervously said, "Umm...we should probably go." Noticing Psymon about to charge the Chinese woman again, she attempted to push him back. "Come on, baka!"

"Not before I give that bozo a curse!!"

"But that's not nice!!"

"Do I look like Barney?!! Get out of the way, squirt!!"

Kaori frantically attempted to think of a way to dissuade the crazy snowboarder. "Umm...I just remembered!"

"Remember WHAT?!"

"Ms. Plum can't be cursed!"

Psymon stopped shoving. "Huh?"

Kaori bent over, catching her breath. "Huff...huff...In the Ranma manga, the Jusenkyo guide...huff...couldn't receive a curse."

"Ranma again?!! Why does everything revolve around that dirtbag?!!" 

"Baka!! He's not a 'dirtbag'! He's a martial artist!!"

"WHO FREAKIN' CARES!!!"

"I DO!!!"

"He your boyfriend, or something?!"

"PSYMON!!!"

"Heh." Turning toward the Jusenkyo guide, Psymon scowled and pointed at Kaori. "So is the brat correct?"

Xiu Mei was hesitant. "Uh..." She caught Kaori's worried gaze. "Er...Yes, what miss customer said is true. Every custodian of the cursed springs is protected from the magic waters. It makes...umm...carrying out the required duties easier."

The crazy athlete eyed the Chinese woman skeptically. "Why were you running away from me when I chased you?"

"Dummy!! She thought you looked creepy!!"

Batting his eyelashes, Psymon pointed to himself and said, "Is this the face of a scary guy?"

"HAI!!! You are crazy, mean, and very, very BAD!!!"

"..."

"WHAT?!!"

Psymon grinned. "You know, spunky, that's one of the nicest things you have ever said to me." The Canadian patted Kaori on the head. "Just for that, I'm going to do what you asked." Catching sight of the Jusenkyo souvenir stand, the maniac exclaimed, "Ooh!! Check out those t-shirts!!" He rushed out of the cottage.

Kaori and Xiu Mei stared at the exit for several moments. After blinking a couple of times, the Japanese teen blew out a sigh of relief. "Whew."

The Jusenkyo guide turned to the female athlete. "Thank you for helping me."

Kaori gave a cheeky grin, "It was the only thing I could think of." She looked out the door. "I guess we better leave now."

Xiu Mei smiled. "You are welcome to come back at any time."

The teenager bowed. "Domo arrigato gozaimas." Glancing at the souvenir kiosk, she thought she spotted her rival getting into more mischief. Making a rapid exit, the teen yelled, "Psymon!!"

As the Jusenkyo guide watched Kaori shouting at Psymon, she whispered, "Good luck to you both. You will most likely need it."

----------------------

"What do you think, twerp?" Psymon proudly held up a t-shirt. Printed on the front was a smiley face sticking its tongue out and the logo, **"I went to Jusenkyo and all I got was this shirt and a lousy curse!"**

"No!"

"Is this better?" The Canadian lifted another shirt. **"Jusenkyo: Land of 10,000 Cursed Springs."**

"No!"

"O.K. Maybe this one?" **"JUSENKYO: Experience a Magical Transformation that You Will Never Forget!!"**

"Grr…Baka! If you wear those shirts, everyone will know we got cursed!"

"So?"

"Idiot!! Magical girls do not give up their secret identities!!" Kaori mentally added, _"And there is NO way I'm letting anybody know I turn into a little freak!!"_

"Well, EXCUUUUUSE me!! I've never been a freakin' magical teeny tiny bopper before!!" Scanning the clothing rack, Psymon's eyes lit up. "Niiiiiice!! Hey, runt, what about this?" He displayed another black t-shirt, this one declaring, **"Hot Water or Bust!"**

"Umm…" Technically, the shirt didn't specify anything about curses. Psymon ripped off one of the sleeves. Her eyes bugging out, Kaori screamed, "NANI?!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!"

The psychotic athlete tore off the second sleeve. "I prefer to go sleeveless."

Exasperated at her companion's behavior, Kaori brought a hand to her face. "…uuuuuuugggghhhhh…"

"Heh, much better."

The Japanese snowboarder waved off her rival and turned to leave. "Fine. Let's go, jerk." She headed toward the path that would take the two of them out of the valley.

"Right behind you, shorty!" Psymon glanced behind himself to determine if Kaori was looking. Seeing she wasn't, he quickly snatched the other shirts he had shown the girl. _"Heh, heh…what the rugrat doesn't know won't hurt her…much." _As he was trying to find a place to hide the additional apparel, he spied a few small vials. Reading the English portion of the tags, the maniac grinned. "Nothing like a little magic for the prankster in your family, heh, heh." The Canadian made sure to pocket several of the bottles. Satisfied with his choices, Psymon reached into his pant pocket to grab some cash to pay for the merchandise. "What the?" His wallet was missing. Remembering he'd left his money back at the hotel, the athlete grumbled, "Figures. Tattoo-boy, you got to remind me about these things." Tattoo-boy, of course, had no comment.

"PSYMON!!"

Psymon decided to deposit a lollypop and some candy wrappers in exchange for his souvenirs. "Seems fair enough." The boarder frowned, "Ms. Bozo better appreciate it. That's my favorite lollypop flavor." Having made the 'purchase,' the insane racer ran to catch up with Kaori. "Keep your shorts on, teddy-bear breath!!"

----------------------

Sometime later, Xiu Mei was busy cleaning up the mess that Psymon had made earlier. Reflecting on the crazier of her two latest guests, the guide could only shake her head. "I truly hope Mr. Customer doesn't cause too much trouble."

"Not to fear, though I suspect trouble will have a way of finding the two young champions."

The unexpected voice completely startled the Chinese woman. Scuttling backwards, she tripped on a loose book and fell down on her duff. "Who's there?"

Mr. Lei-Kung Wang stepped from the shadows. "Don't worry, child. You'll soon forget everything you've seen today." The businessman produced a small vial with a cork. He removed the top, releasing a vapor that quickly filled the cottage. Inhaling the fumes, Xiu Mei promptly fell into a gentle sleep. Mr. Wang smiled and whispered. "Ah, my plans are coming along nicely." Glancing at the Jusenkyo guide, he noted, "I must remember to thank Meng-Po-Niang for that modified version of her memory potion." The well-dressed man walked over and picked up the old text containing the prophecy Xiu Mei read earlier. "Can't let you keep this, now can we?"

Stepping outside the cottage, Lei-Kung walked over to the spring of drowned magical girl. Inspecting himself, the businessman murmured, "Guess there is no need for this disguise." With that, the tycoon transformed, taking on an entirely new appearance. Sporting wings, talons, and a hooked beak, the burly blue-skinned man came across as rather frightening. Yet, despite these outward attributes, a sort of fierce, paternal warmth emanated from him.

Observing the cursed waters, Lei-Kung muttered, "I most certainly hope this attempt goes better than the last time." The blue-skinned being sighed, "Might as well take care of the spring." Glancing upward, he said, "You can proceed."

Silence.

Lei-Kung called out, "Now would be a good time!"

Nothing.

The winged-man looked to the sky and groaned. "Very funny, dear."

A brilliant flash of lighting struck the spring. The force of the electrical bolt was enough to instantly destroy the cursed pool. A large explosion accompanied the spring's destruction. Despite his nearness to the event, neither the explosion nor the lightning affected Lei-Kung.

"Another potential problem averted. Having one pair of magical heroes is quite enough." His expression brightening, Lei-Kung said, "Well, I suppose I should take my leave." A small note fluttered down from the sky. Snatching the piece of paper, the burly man read, "Don't forget to clean up the clutter in the cabin, husband. It wouldn't do to allow the poor mortal to become suspicious."

The blue-skinned god experienced his first facefault.

----------------------

"I AM THE KING!! YEE HA!!"

"Aw, put a sock in it, tubby!!"

"MAMA LOVES LUUUUTHER!!"

"¡¡Cállate… Ah…AH CHOO!! Cerdo estupido!!"

"SWAMP BUGGY BOOGIE TIME, BABY!!"

"Please, monsieur, you're making a scene."

"You just noticed that, richboy?"

"I do not have to explain myself to one such as you!"

"Who said I wanted your opinion!"

"COME TO ME ALL YOU LOVELY LADIES!! YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME!!"

"That will be a cold day…"

"Hey!! That's my line, you bloody, inflated toad!!"

"ONE HUNDRED PERCENT GRADE A AMERICAN CHAMP!!"

"Quit rumbin' it in, yo!!"

"AH CHOO!! Try one hundred percent complete jackass!!"

"And here I thought Mac's complaining was bad," Elise grumbled. While everyone else waited for Kaori and Psymon to return, Luther had been performing a one-man parade to celebrate his victory. Prancing around and bellowing at the top of his lungs, the obnoxious athlete was creating quite the spectacle. The snowboarder had already managed to scare away all the normal customers from the hotel lobby. The only reason the gathered SSX Tricky racers hadn't jumped Luther by now was because they were tired and not willing to start another brawl.

Mac whined, "Man, Eddie is lucky he doesn't have to listen to this stuff." The aforementioned Wachowski was currently visiting the team doctor.

"I could break your nose if ya want."

"I still ain't finished with you, old man!" Elise glared at the DJ wannabe. "Er…maybe later."

Moby chuckled, "You know where I am, mate." The Englishman grew thoughtful, "Don't know why Brodi was in such a bloomin' rush to escort the kid, though."

"Yeah, the zenmeister was blushing real bad. What's up with that?"

"Can't tell you. The chap was pretty relieved to get here, though."

"Sí, Brodi-dear is shy. Another reason why he is sooooo adorable! AH CHOO!!"

JP muttered some unflattering French phrases.

"You say something, John-boy?"

"Hmmph. For your information, it is Jean-Paul NOT John-boy!"

"Fine, be that way, Jeanie." Ignoring the indignant Frenchman's angry gaze, Seeiah asked Marisol, "Girl, you sure you're going to be O.K?"

"AH CHOO!!" Wrapped up in a comforter, the shivering Latino bombshell answered, "Sí, this should only be a temporary inconvenience." She sipped from a cup of hot chocolate, "Mmm… este chocolate es muy bueno."

"GOIN' TO GET MY NAME ON A BASEBALL CAP!!"

"After winning one lousy race? Dream on, lardball." A very unhappy Zoe was wrapped up in her own blanket and drinking some hot apple cider. "Even…AH CHOO!!…Psy wouldn't carry on like this."

"So, where IS Sketchy?"

"Yeah, and where's Kaori?!" Mac had an alarming thought. "You don't think those two would…"

Seeiah whopped Mac upside the head. "Get you your mind out of the gutter, kiddo. Besides, where could they possibly do anything out there?"

Marisol daydreamed, "Ah…how romantic. I'm sure Brodi-honey and I could…"

Elise interrupted, "Sparky, I'm beginning to see why Brodi was so anxious to get out of here." The blonde laughed. "Of course, who would want to stick around you, anyway?!"

JP almost spoke up, but restrained himself.

"Chica, you are most fortunate I am currently in less than…AH CHOO!!…full health."

"If only we could always be so lucky."

Zoe cut in, "Don't worry, Mac. You've seen how little Kay and Psy get along. Chances are they just got a bit lost, that's all."

"WHO'S NUMBER ONE?!! IT'S LUTHER, BABY, LUTHER!!"

The punk girl growled, "Now if only we could lose this moron."

----------------------

"IIIIIIEEEEEEE!!! PSYMON!!!" Sprinting for all she was worth, Kaori was wishing she could lose the maniac trailing behind her. 

"AH HA HA HAA!! Run, little twinky, run!! AH HA HA HAA!!!"

Overcome with the crazy impulse to activate the teenager's water-based curse, the gleeful Canadian was currently trying to shove the girl into some cold water. Slush puddles, partially melted snow banks, dripping icicles, any and all bodies of frigid liquid H2O presented opportunities for an impromptu dunking.

The teen quickly stopped, grabbed a chunk of snow in her gloved hand, and hurled it at her pursuer. "Take that, jerk!!"

The frozen projectile whizzed past Psymon's ear. Not slowing his pace, the crazed racer grinned. "You have to do better than that, runty!" The snowboarder howled, "HOOWWWOOOOOOO!!!"

The Japanese youth resumed her sprint. _"Why can't Psymon ever, EVER leave me alone?!!"_ Running along, the teen reflected on the day's events. _"First, Mac-kun tells everyone we're having sex, when we're absolutely NOT."_

"I'm coming to get you!! BWAH HA HA HAA!!"

__

"Then I overreact and behave so dishonorably, even as father was probably watching."

"jUst DaShinG aLoNg, I'm SiNginG a SonG, cHAsIng a BrAt iN a WintEr wOnDerLAAAAAnd!!!"

__

"Then this baka and I fall off a cliff, almost getting killed!"

"Hey, shortcake! Why are you slowing down? You're not making this sporting enough!"

__

"And now, when splashed with cold water, I...I'm cursed to turn into a fre...fre...freak." By now Kaori was barely trudging, sniffles threatening to overcome her.

"Gotcha!!" Psymon grabbed the Japanese woman's shoulders, preparing to fling her into a nearby half-frozen puddle.

The dejected teen didn't resist. "Just do it, Psymon."

The Canadian blinked. "You're not making this much fun for me, spunky."

Pulling free of Psymon, Kaori continued to walk silently forward, not even acknowledging her rival's presence.

Walking beside the depressed youth, the tattooed racer frowned. "Oh come on, squirt." He grinned, "I'll give you a head start!"

The morose girl remained quiet.

"Aw, the puuurty lady gots a saaad face. What's eating you, halfpint? It's too cold for mosquitoes."

"..."

"Hey, it's not about what happened back there, is it?"

Kaori gave a disconsolate sigh.

Psymon tried cheering up his companion. "Look, it can't be THAT bad, right? I really think you got the better end of the deal."

The teenager's eye darted toward the Canadian, giving him a quizzical glance.

Encouraged, the insane athlete continued, "I change into some pukey, cutey girly. At least you transform into something that's cool!"

Kaori looked at her fellow racer. "Cool?"

"Yeah! You got that whole seeing emotion thingamabob, the awesome wings, and a goth look to absolutely DIE for!!"

The teen couldn't help smirking just a tiny bit at her rival's exuberance. "You're weird, Psymon."

"Hey! WEIRD is my MIDDLE name!!" A sudden idea hit Psymon. Standing in front of Kaori, he eagerly asked, "Would you like to trade curses with me, shortstuff?"

The Japanese youth rolled her eyes. "They don't work that way, dummy."

The Canadian became disappointed. "Oh." Quickly shifting emotions, he happily said, "You like ice cream, don' you pipsqueak?"

Not quite sure what her crazy partner was getting at, Kaori simply nodded.

"Great! Next ice cream cone's on me, alright?"

"Where are we going to find ice cream?"

"Uh...tattoo-boy will show us the way! Right, buddy?!" Psymon was silent for a moment, then started shouting at his shoulder, "What do you mean, I have to get you one too?!! You just had a treat not that long ago!!" Another pause. "Hey!! I don't like her better than you!! You think I'm freakin' made of money!! Go and get your own curse, then I'll buy you a cone!!" The irritated maniac cocked his ear toward his shoulder. "WHAT?!! I have to come with you?!! Can't you do ANYTHING by yourself?!!"

As Psymon continued to rant and rave at his imaginary friend, Kaori could only shake her head in exasperation.

----------------------

"Give me! Give me!"

"Chocolate!"

"Want ice cream!"

"Vanilla!"

Needles Kane grumbled, "Stupid lousy kids. Stupid stinking job!" Bad enough he was low man on the company totem pole. Now he was stuck delivering ice cream to a bunch of Chinese brats out in the middle of nowhere.

"Me too! Me too!"

"I want bigger ice cream!!"

It was part of some head honcho's lame brain idea to expand the corporate ice cream manufacturer's influence globally. _"It's not fair!! If those fools want to bring ice cream to China, why don't THEY come here!!"_

"Don't want this one!"

"Give me sprinkles!"

Hence, here he was, relegated to driving a dinky ice cream van in some rural hickville, bringing treats to all these bothersome little insects. _"They got me dressed as a clown! A CLOWN!!!"_

"Want strawberry!!"

"Me!! Me!! Me!! Me!! Me!!"

"WAAAAAAA!!!"

The crowd of insistent, demanding youngsters crowded more and more tightly around the delivery vehicle. Needles, never really emotionally stable to begin with, was on the verge of a complete mental meltdown. _"Why must it be me? Why? Why?!! **WHY?!!!**" _

----------------------

As twilight fell, Psymon and Kaori continued the trek to find a way of getting back to their hotel. Both snowboarders were well aware that the race was long since over. Unfortunately, none of the villages they'd passed through so far had contained any form of modern communication or rapid transit. Much of the walk was spent with Psymon still arguing with his shoulder, and Kaori quietly marching alongside the crazy Canadian.

"So! You're giving me the silent treatment, eh?"

"Nani?"

"Oh, not you, twinky. I meant tattoo-boy."

Kaori blew out a frustrated breath. "He can't talk, baka."

"Sure he can! You just have to ask him nicely. Go ahead, try." Psymon presented his shoulder to the teenager. Try as she might, Kaori couldn't see any tattoo of a person, let alone a boy. "There's nothing there!"

"He's probably just hiding behind one of the chain tattoos. Don't worry, the little fellow can be bashful."

__

"I better say something, or Psymon will pester me the whole trip." Not quite believing she was stooping to her rival's level, Kaori put on a wane smile and said, "Umm...Konbanwa, tattoo-san."

"What do you know? Tattoo-boy said, 'Hi'!"

"Umm...that's good?"

"Sure! It means he likes you." Psymon contemplated for a moment. "Or he could just be patronizing you, I'm not sure." The insane athlete questioned his shoulder, "Hey, you never told me you knew Japanese, tattoo-boy." The Canadian scowled, "What do you mean I'm too lazy to learn a second language?! You're the one bumming around every day!!"

The two racers were entering another village, this one quite a bit bigger than the others they had found. Hopefully, that was a good sign. Very much wanting to change the subject, Kaori said, "Here's a new town."

Psymon broke off from his private conversation to scan the surroundings. "Yep, you're right kid! Doesn't look like Shangri-La to me, though." Kaori muttered something about sarcastic, stupid, jerks. The tattooed boarder, exclaimed, "Woo hoo!!"

"Is it a way to get back?"

Psymon grinned. "Nope, even better, IT'S ICE CREAM!!"

"Eh?" Not sure she'd heard correctly, Kaori tried to locate what her rival was referring to. To the youth's great surprise, a small ice cream van was parked not far from them. A crowd of children gathered around, being served by a man dressed as a clown.

"See, squirt, told you we'd find some ice cream!" Running toward the truck, Psymon yelled, "I knew tattoo-boy would help us out!" Noticing Kaori wasn't behind him, the Canadian turned around and called, "You want some, runt? Remember, my treat!"

Stunned by this unusual coincidence, Kaori thought, _"Compared to wandering China with a crazy jerk and being magically cursed, I guess this isn't SO strange." _Hearing Psymon's voice, the teen shook herself out of her daze and grinned. "Hai!" Dashing forward, Kaori didn't notice the large puddle until it was too late. Cold water splashed, drenching both cursed athletes. Seeing a young female Psymon glowering at her, the tiny goth fairy nervously said, "Umm...hee, hee, maybe now you can get a bigger cone?"

"Say what, squeaky?"

"Don't call me squeaky!" Composing herself, Kaori replied. "Umm...In anime and manga, cute girls get bigger treats."

Psymon was intrigued, "Really?"

"Uh huh. But you have to look really, really cute. Like this." The tiny teen clasped her human hands, and gave her best cheery-faced, sparkly eyes expression.

"Is that so?" Psymon performed her own 'cute girl' pose. "Like this?" With her large shinning eyes, pigtails, and dimpled cheeks, the magical girl radiated an overwhelming amount of cuteness.

__

"Wow! Psymon's really good." Kaori giggled. _"Especially since he hates being cute, tee hee." _"Hai! That's perfect." The Japanese youth added, "If you're lucky, you might get the ice cream for free."

Psymon smiled, "Sweeeet! Guess I don't have to worry about leaving my wallet back at the hotel."

Kaori narrowed her eyes, "Nani?"

The preteen realized her mistake. "Oops, did I say that? Well, it's really tattoo-boy's fault. He was supposed to remind me to bring it."

An antenna twitched. "...psymon..."

"Honest, I was going to pay you once we got back." The girl patted herself. "Besides, it's not like I have any freakin' place to put a wallet when I'm like this, now do I?"

All four fists were tightly clenched. "...Grrrr...baka..."

The Canadian giggled, "Well, gotta go and be cute so we can get some free ice cream! Later, alligator!" Psymon started daintily skipping toward the delivery van. "Fa la la la la laaa."

"JERK!!" Kaori furiously flew in close pursuit, causing her rival to skip a bit faster.

"ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" All the Chinese youngsters ran away from the enraged clown.

__

"Heh, now I won't have to wait in line." Hopping up to the delivery person, Psymon put on her "cutesy" performance. "Please sir, can I have two REALLY big cones, PLEEEAZZE?!"

Needles Kane glanced down at the ridiculously cute girl staring back at him. He smiled evilly at the preteen. "Sooooo, you would like some treats, eh, little girl?"

Keeping up the act, Psymon eagerly nodded. "Uh huh." _"The brat better be right about this cute stuff. My cheeks are starting to hurt."_

Flying some ways behind her rival, Kaori grew concerned about the deranged expression on the clown's face. She also detected the aura surrounding the man. It was dominated by red and black. "Umm...Psymon?" Not noticing the clown's degrading mental state, the Canadian ignored his rival.

"Well, little missy, let's see what we have, shall we?" The clown bent down for a moment, apparently searching for something.

Quickly whirling around, Psymon gave Kaori a thumb's up. "Looks like you were right, squeaky."

Kaori was so nervous, she forgot to reprimand the magical girl for calling her 'squeaky'. "Psymon I don't think..."

"You worry too much, runt. This is a piece of cake...er...ice cream!"

"I'm sorry little girl, we don't have much hard ice..." Needles noticed Kaori fluttering behind Psymon. He gave her a devilish smile. "Why hello, Ms. Fairy."

The hovering teenager meekly waved, "Umm...hi."

"As I was telling your friend, I'm afraid we don't have much hard ice cream, but," the clown lifted up a nozel attached to a hose, "WE HAVE PLENTY OF SOFT SERVE!!! AH HAAA HAAA HAAAAA HAAAAAA!!!" Having set the pressure to an abnormally high level, Kane sprayed the sugary treat directly at the two cursed athletes. Kaori managed to fly out of harm's way. However, Psymon, caught totally flat-footed, was plastered with mushy strawberry ice cream.

Wiping the gunk for her eyes, the preteen complained, "Hey bozo! This isn't even my favorite flavor!!"

The clown expressed mock concern, "Oh, it isn't? Tch...tch...can't have that now, can we? Here's some soda. Normally it would be on the house, but in this case, IT'S ON YOU!!! BWAAA HAAA HAAA HAAAAAA!!!" Brandishing a second hose, Needles soaked Psymon with fizzy cola pop.

The furious magical girl screamed at the delivery man, "I DEMAND A REFUND, LOSER!!!"

Despite herself, Kaori muttered, "Idiot, you didn't pay for it."

Psymon glared at her fairy counterpart. "Thank you very little, twerp!!"

Kane fumed. "You little ingrates. Always the same. You whine and beg and plead and complain." The clown climbed into the driver's seat of his van and began to drive off.

The preteen continued to clean off the sticky mess. "Last time I take your advice, shortcake!"

"BAKA!! You didn't listen to my warning!!"

"WELL, SPEAK UP NEXT TIME, SQUEAKY!!!"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!!!"

The two arguing magical heroes neglected to notice the pair of headlights heading straight at them.

"I hope you're satisfied, chalky, because the ice cream deal is OFF!!"

"JERK!! You wanted ME to buy it!!!" 

The vehicle was increasing speed, fast approaching Psymon and Kaori. From inside, Needles screamed, "LITTLE GIRLY, UNCLE NEEDLES IS GOING TO GIVE YOU A LESSON IN GRATITUDE!!!"

Kaori was the first to see the oncoming van. As she flew to safety, she yelled, "PSYMON!!! LOOK OUT!!!"

"Huh?" Psymon saw the vehicle bearing down on her. "WHAT THE...?!!!" Leaping at the last moment, the girl narrowly missed becoming one with the front grill of the truck. "That #*&@)*@!#* tried to kill me!!!"

Missing it's target, the ice cream delivery van made a sharp turn, crashing through a wagon being pulled by a local farmer. Fortunately, neither the terrified farmer nor the horse were hurt. Both made a panicked dash to safety. Meanwhile, the truck made a second attempt at Psymon. 

The magical girl growled, "So, you like to play rough, eh, tough guy? Well, I LOVE it rough!!" Making a taunting "come hither" gesture, she challenged the insane clown, "COME ON POPS, LET'S LIGHT UP THE SWEET TARTS!!!"

Needles shouted back, "WITH PLEASURE, GIRL!!!"

Gauging her opponent's speed, Psymon waited until the right moment. As the clown came into range, she leaped and performed a forward hand plant on the front of the van's hood, somersaulting over the windshield and onto the roof of the ice cream delivery vehicle.

Kaori was amazed. _"Wow! I didn't know Psymon could do that!"_

Needles hadn't anticipated the move, either. "Get off, you insolent pest!"

Psymon grinned and yelled, "Make me!! Whoa!!" The girl unconsciously used her supernatural strength to sink her fingers into the roof as Kane tried to shake her off. The van swerved drunkenly, crashing into signs, display windows, and the occasional building. Terrified locals scattered helter-skelter, frantically hoping to avoid being killed. Despite Needles' attempts to dislodge Psymon, the magical preteen stubbornly refused to let go.

On the contrary, the young girl was having the time of her life. "Hee, hee hee!! No pain, no gain!! Woo hoo!!"

The mad clown wasn't as impressed. "What does it take to get rid of you!!"

The van careened into a general family store. Household items flew out in all directions. When the vehicle emerged, it was plastered with pots, pans, and several quilts.

A wooden pail covered Psymon's head. "Who turned out the stinking lights?!!" Annoyed, she threw the pail off her head. "O.K. Bonzo, ride's over!!" Having discovered her exceptional strength, the magical girl began punching holes into the van's roof, ripping off bits of metal as she went.

"Don't think it will be that easy, missy!!" Needles stepped on the brakes, hoping to fling the kid forward and off the vehicle.

Momentarily caught unawares, Psymon fell onto the windshield, but still managed to stay on the van. Seeing the startled expression on the clown's face, the magical girl grinned and winked. "Peek-a-boo!" She then started smashing the windshield.

The combination of the preteen's insane tenacity and unusual strength horrified Needles. "You...you're a demon girl!!" He made another sharp turn, causing the youth to roll onto the passenger's side of the van.

Clinging to the door, Psymon smiled sweetly and said, "Why thank you, what a nice thing to say!"

The clown's face grew ugly as he snarled, "Just die, insect!!"

Kaori watched in awe as she witnessed the two adversaries going at it. _"I don't know who's more insane, Psymon or that wicked clown."_ So engrossed was the teen, she didn't notice she was directly in the path of the oncoming vehicle. When Kaori finally saw the headlights shinning on her, she froze in fear. _"It's going to hit me!!_ _What can I do?!!" _Throwing all four of her arms up, the tiny teen closed her eyes and shrieked. "EEEEEEEK!!!" She failed to register the fact that, in her panic, she had somehow conjured up a magical multi-rocket launcher. The teen also failed to realize she'd inadvertently activated the trigger. As a consequence, a volley of missiles was now heading straight toward the van.

Hearing the roar of projectiles, Needles and Psymon glanced forward and saw the incoming missiles. Staring wide-eyed at their doom, the two crazed individuals screamed. "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

The ice cream van veered violently to the right, barely dodging the swarm of rockets. The force of the sudden movement caused Psymon to fly off the vehicle, taking the passenger's side door with her. Meanwhile, the missiles impacted with a group of stone statues depicting several local heroes. The valiant warriors exploded in a glorious ball of fire and bits of rock.

Psymon was laying on the ground, dazed and still clutching the passenger door. "LoOk aT All ThE PrETtY fiRewOrKs."

Opening her eyes, Kaori stared at the destruction with a dropped jaw. _"Did I cause that explosion?" _Taking a brief moment to examine her summoned weapon, she discovered it was like no human device ever created. A large multi-opening capable of holding numerous rockets tapered to a small grip and trigger designed to comfortably fit into the teen's tiny hands. The extraordinarily light weight and lack of recoil further provided proof of the weapon's magical nature. Gazing at the device, Kaori was reminded of an American film she once watched. _"What was the movie Eddie and Mac liked? Hmm...that's right, it was The Mask." _Seeing her weird weapon, the goth fairy had to admit it was something which Jim Carrey's outlandish alter-ego would definitely appreciate.

"What'cha got, tinkerbell?" Observing the rocket launcher, the preteen grew excited. "Ooh, let me see!!" She quickly stole it from Kaori.

The diminutive Japanese youth yelled, "Creep! That's..." The moment Psymon confiscated the weapon, it disintegrated into sparkles.

Both heroes were surprised. "Huh?" 

Unfortunately, they didn't have time to contemplate what just happened, as Needles tried running them over once more.

Kane screamed, "STAND STILL SO UNCLE CAN PROPERLY PUNISH YOU!!!"

Jumping out of the way, the Psymon shouted back, "HEY!! I'M A NIHILIST, NOT FREAKIN' STUPID!!!" She called out to Kaori, "You're the magical girl expert!! What am I supposed to do?!!"

The Japanese teenager tried to recall all she knew about the genre. She said, "Uh...give a speech!"

Needles served around, heedless of the property he was destroying. 

Psymon shot an incredulous look at her partner. "Let me get this straight. You want me..." she lunged, avoiding becoming road kill by the smallest of margins, "...to present some lame speech while some $*&#(@)(*# bozo tries to make me into magical pizza?!" The girl glared at the fairy, "What muffin have you been biting into, brat!!"

Kaori was chagrinned at the foolishness of her suggestion. _"Guess a speech right now would be pretty inappropriate." _Thinking a little more, she advised, "Try yelling out a magical attack!"

Dodging another of Needles' attack runs, the cursed snowboarder shouted, "How the HECK am I supposed to do THAT?!!"

"Move your hands and say something!"

The ice cream van was wildly whipping around, smashing it's driver side mirror as it clipped a building. The clown bellowed, "REMEMBER, THIS HURTS ME MORE THAN IT HURTS YOU!!! BWAA HAAA HAAAA!!!"

__

"Yeah, I bet." As the vehicle closed in on Psymon, the magical girl stoically stood her ground. Standing in the glare of headlights, the preteen flipped the clown a double dirty finger salute and shouted, "UP YOURS, BONZO!!!" Of course, the gesture did nothing to halt the truck. The Canadian was once again forced to dodge the mad clown. Frustrated, the tattooed girl yelled at Kaori, "Any more dumb ideas, bug-brain?!!"

"DUMMY!! That's not what I meant!!"

"Then, WHAT?!!"

Kaori struggled to find a way to concisely describe how magical girls attack. "Umm...pretend you're throwing something!"

"That's all?!"

"And shout a phrase!"

"What type?!"

The teenager sighed. _"How am I supposed to know? I've never done this for real." _"Eh...whatever sounds like a cool attack!"

"Cool attack, cool attack.," Psymon muttered. "Hmm...so many possibilities, so little time. Tattoo-boy, you have any ideas?" The magical girl brightened and snapped her fingers. "Got it! Great idea, little buddy!" The preteen assumed a ready stance and swiveled her head, trying to detect her quarry. "Where'd he go?" The girl whined, "Oh come on! Don't tell me the loser chickened out!" She scuffed one of her boots along the ground. "Here I go and think of a great attack, and that stupid, lousy, creampuff excuse of a clown ditches me!!" Psymon held her arms out and wailed, "WHERE'S THE FUN IN THAT!!!"

"Watch out!!"

"Huh?" 

"CRASH!!!" The ice cream van barreled through the farmer's market right next to Psymon. 

"YEEEOOOOOWWW!!!" Scuttling to the side as fast her legs could carry her, the magical girl barely avoided being flattened.

Needles continued to taunt the preteen. "AH HA HAA HAAA!!! SOMEBODY SHOULD TEACH YOU BETTER MANNERS, CHILD!!!"

"YEAH?!! WELL, YOU NEED TO HAVE A NEW TAILOR, YOU OVEREXTENDED LYMPH NODE!!!" Shooting Kaori the evil eye, Psymon exclaimed, "Hey, squeaky!! A little more warning next time!!"

The flying Japanese goth shrugged both pairs of her arms. "Gomen." Frowning, she added, "Stop calling me squeaky!!"

"Heh, whatever you say...squeaky." Psymon watched as the clown prepared for another pass, this time almost running over a hapless old woman who had been preparing to step out of her house to yell at the troublemakers. "Careful, granny!! Bonzo doesn't take prisoners!!" The frightened woman wisely choose to step back inside. Seeing the rapidly approaching vehicle, the psychotic young girl smirked. "Just a little closer, loser, then the fun begins." At the last moment, just before the van reached her, Psymon spun around like a discus thrower and shouted, "Whoopee cushion strike!!"

__

"Whoopee cushion strike? Baka! What type of attack..." Kaori's mental tirade died when she saw a whoopee cushion materialize in the magical girl's hand and fly directly into the windshield of Needles' vehicle. Startled, the clown overcompensated and skidded out of control. The van slid past the two magical heroes, hit a rut, and flipped end over end.

Psymon counted the flips. "One...two...three...four...come on, come on...you can do it......five. Yes!!" Dancing around and laughing, she pointed at the overturned van. "Hey, squeaky! Check it out!! Was that totally insane or what?!!"

"Jerk!! He might be hurt!!"

"News flash, duel popsicle head!! The bozo was trying to KILL us!!"

A loud moan alerted Kaori and Psymon. Turning to the sound's source, they saw Needles crawling out of the vehicle. Aside from some bumps, bruises, and a major case of dizziness, the clown appeared to be generally alright. "Uggghhh."

Feeling vindicated, Psymon turned to her rival and smirked. "See? No permanent harm done." Clasping her hands behind her back, the magical girl closed her eyes and smiled. "Ah, nothing like a good day's work well done..." She chuckled and winked, "...or medium rare...or even really, really juicy and bloody!"

Kaori surveyed the demolished town around the two of them. Seeing the destroyed buildings, the flaming statue debris, the scattered store merchandise, and the petrified villagers huddled around doorways and windows, the goth fairy was reluctant to share her companion's enthusiasm. "...kuso..."

----------------------

"Come on, chumpy!! Have another one on me!!"

"Please...hic...Luther, I must..."

"But monzieur, it would be mosh rude to refuse! Here, lesh me get you another drink."

Luther was enjoying the second phase of his personal celebration. Coaxing JP to join him at the hotel bar, the two had somehow managed to coral Brodi into participating in round after round of drinks. The three men were well on their way to complete inebriation.

The heavyset athlete chugged down another glass of hard liqueur. Giving Brodi a hearty slap on the back, he exclaimed, "Ah, nutin' like some cold brewskies after winnin' a race!" Never mind the hotel didn't actually stock any American beer.

The slap nearly caused the Buddhist to throw up. "Ack! Truly...hic...my friend...hic...your constitution knows no limits." Sitting between JP and Luther, the drunken surfer couldn't remember how he got into this situation. _"Yes, frogs...uh...fate works in stringy...er...strange ways."_

"You are nosh slouch, yourshelf, Brodi. Perhapsh Marisol isn't sho wrong about you, after zall." Having consumed a lot of alcohol himself, JP was slurring his words. Treating Brodi like a long lost brother, the Frenchman appeared to have completely forgotten that he normally considered the Buddhist a rival.

"You...hic...are most kind, JT...I'm mean JC...pardon, JP."

"Don'tcha worry, chumpy boots, we're ALL friends here!! Next round's on me!!"

Watching the three drinking men, Zoe snorted. "This is ridiculous!! Psymon and Kaori should have been here by now!!"

Mac was anxiously pacing back and forth. "Yeah!! This is so bogus!! Why are we still sittin' around?!!"

The punk boarder agreed. "I hear you, kid. Ah...AH CHOO!! If it weren't for this lousy cold, I'd be out there searching for them myself!"

Seeiah spoke up, "Where would you look, girlfriend? They've already got search crews dispatched along the whole course."

Zoe grumbled. "It beats sitting here, picking our noses."

Mac's patient had reached it's limit. "That's it!! I'm outa here!!" The wannabe DJ strode toward the exit, only to be stopped by Moby. "Back off, old man!!"

"Mate, you're not going anywhere. All you're going to bloody accomplish is to get yourself lost."

After fuming for a moment, the sixteen-year old reluctantly conceded. Pacing some more he complained, "This blows!!"

Watching TV, Eddie, his nose bandaged and less swollen, commented, "Like, I weally thought that wuy they found was Psymon." Earlier in the evening, a very brief CNN news story reported the arrest of a mentally unstable Caucasian who was apprehended after rampaging through a rural Chinese village. Hearing the broadcast, all the SSX racers felt certain the arrested individual was Psymon, at least until the report stated the man was dressed as a clown.

Elise coolly noted, "I wouldn't put it past Sketchy to wear a clown costume."

Marisol faced her blonde rival and smirked. "A fantasy of yours, chica."

The Canadian beauty threw the Latino a chilly gaze. "I like you so much better when you're just sneezing."

"...Ohhhhh!! Sixty-six bottles of beer on the wall!! Sixty-six bottles of beer!! Take one down, pass it around, sixty-five bottles of beer on the waaalll!!...Ohhhhh!! Fifty-four bottles..."

"Wait!!"

"Whash ish it monzshieur?"

"I believe...hic...we were at fifty-eight...no...eighty-eight...hic...bottles."

"Why, I do believe ol' Buddha is correct!! Let's go chumpies!!"

"Ohhhhh!!! Eighty-eight bottles..."

Zoe groaned. "Those three are giving me a headache."

----------------------

"Arigatou!! Bye Bye!"

"Give clown-boy my regards!"

Shaking his head at the strange Canadian's request, the Chinese policeman drove off. Having recognized the two SSX Tricky stars, the officer offered to give both athletes a ride back to their hotel, although only after they'd agree to give their autographs first. Back to their normal selves, Kaori and Psymon were finally standing in front of their destination. The psychotic racer carried two closed cylindrical containers.

Facing her partner, the Japanese teen angrily pointed a finger at the containers and yelled, "Jerk!! You stole that ice cream!!"

"Shows what you know, pipsqueak. This is just proper payment for rescuing those Chinese people." Not long after the confrontation with Needles Needles, the cursed snowboarders were able to find some hot water. Afterwards, Psymon snuck back and pilfered the two ice cream containers from the clown's van. Convincing the authorities he'd purchased the ice cream beforehand, the insane racer now proudly considered the prizes as spoils of war.

"Idiot!! Magical girls don't get paid!"

"But I'm not really a freakin' girly pipsqueak, am I?"

An exasperated Kaori threw up her hands. "Oh, why bother?" Changing the topic, she held up a finger and continued, "Now, don't tell anybody about Jusenkyo, O.K.?"

"Why not?"

"Because, baka, we don't want them to know about our curse!"

"What's the big, hairy deal?"

"Argh!! Do you really want Zoe to know you turn into a little girl?!"

Psymon was silent for a moment. Whispering to himself, he said, "She might think it's pretty cool."

Frustrated, the teen resorted to her last option. "If you tell anyone about our curse, I'll let Zoe know about your bunny slippers!"

The Canadian stared at Kaori in horror. "You wouldn't."

Looking at her rival dead in the eye, the Japanese woman solemnly nodded. "Hai...I would." She knew is was rather dirty to blackmail Psymon, but it was the only real leverage she had against the psychotic boarder.

The Canadian grunted. "Fine, squirt, I won't say a peep about that Joosenky thingy." Pulling out a rolled up shirt from his pants, Psymon eagerly asked, "I can still wear the shirt, right?"

Recognizing the t-shirt, Kaori grew furious. "GRRRRR!!"

"Huh? I thought you said this one was O.K." Turning the shirt around so he could see the logo, Psymon read, **"I went to Jusenkyo and all I got was this shirt and a lousy curse!"** The crazy athlete had unintentionally yanked out one of the other shirts he had acquired without the teen's knowledge. Giving Kaori an embarrassed grin, all the maniac said was, "Oops."

"PSYMON!!!"

----------------------

"PSYMON!!!"

The high-pitched female scream got nearly everyone's attention.

Perking up considerably, Mac said, "Hey, that's..."

"Now, shorty, you have to watch your blood pressure."

Zoe asked, "Psy?"

"STUPID!!! CREEP!!! BAKA!!! JERK!!!"

Elise confirmed, "That's them, alright."

Dashing into the hotel lobby, Psymon was struggling to protect his ill gotten ice cream from Kaori. The teenager was right at his heels, pounding at the Canadian with her gloved fists. Noticing the rest of the SSX crew waiting for them, the two rivals screeched to a halt.

Kaori blinked and tentatively waved. "Hi."

Psymon was much more melodramatic. "Honey, I'M HOOOOOOME!!!"

Seeiah, slapped Mac in the back. "See, flyboy, I told you nothing happened."

Psymon gave the African-American a strange look. "What are you talking about, baldy?"

The wannabe DJ tried to explain, "We thought you and Kaori were making...mmmm, Hmmmm, Mmmhmm!"

"Every effort to get back here safe and sound, " Seeiah finished. She was covering up Mac's mouth to prevent him from saying something foolish.

The sixteen-year old broke free. "What's up with coverin' my mouth?!"

Moby leaned down and whispered, "She just saved your whinny little butt, chap."

"I don't need no one to save MY behind!"

The Englishman muttered, "So says you, mate."

Perched on the back of the couch in the lounge, Eddie hollered, "Welcome wack, guys!"

An intoxicated Brodi droned, "Shooo...hic...the prodical...chili...eh...children...hic...return."

Kaori was stunned by her friend's current state. "Brodi-kun?"

Zoe yelled, "It's about time!! We were getting really worried!! AH CHOO!!"

Elise coyly noted, "Some of us more than others, right Zoe?"

The punk girl shrugged. "Yeah, yeah, whatever."

Psymon grew wistful. "Really?" Setting his ice cream down, the psychotic racer threw out his arms and cried, "Ah!! You don't know how much that touches meeee!!!"

Mac interjected, "Yo, nutcase! We're talkin' about Kaori, not you."

The Canadian grinned at the boy. "Hi Macky! How's the throat feeling?"

Kaori angrily shouted, "Psymon!!"

From her position, Marisol drawled, "So...AH CHOO!!...bring us any souvenirs?"

Psymon considered, "Hmm...the local Macy's was already closed, but..." 

"Baka! There was no Macy's!"

The Canadian ignored the teen, "...I found something even better." So saying, he lunged at the startled blonde and gave her a big smooch."

Elise smirked as she considered her Latino rival, "A fantasy of yours, Sparky?"

"Don't think I forgot about you, blondy." Before Elise could react, Psymon had already swept her up and was giving her a big wet one. Then, as quickly as he had kissed the other women, he was kissing Zoe.

A drunken JP noted to Brodi, "Quite thez Cashanova, ishn't he?" 

"So...hic...true."

Moby objected, "What on bloody earth do you think you're doing!!"

The crazy snowboarder glanced at the irrate Englishman. "Sorry Moby ol' pal, you're just not my type." He then shot a hungry gaze at Seeiah.

The bald racer shook a fist at the Canadian. "Don't even think about it." Seeing Moby look at her, she shook her fist at him too, just for good measure. "Not you either, flyboy."

The English athlete sputtered, "What did I do?"

"Geez, baldy, you're no fun." Turning to Kaori, the tattooed athlete smirked, "Maybe when you're more ripe, squirt."

"JER..." A mischievous twinkle suddenly shown in Kaori's eyes. She gleefully announced, "We brought ice cream!!"

"What are we waiting for? Let's dig in, mates!"

"Groovy!"

"Thanks Kaori!"

"Bleh, maybe it will wash this horrible taste from my mouth."

"You said it, chica."

"Save some for me, girlfriend!"

Watching the others start to cart off his beloved tasty treats, the insane boarder screamed, "WHAT?!! BUT THAT'S MINE!!!"

Kaori leveled her own smirk at Psymon. "Not anymore, baka."

Zoe laid a hand on the Canadian's shoulder and grinned. "It's awfully sweet of you, Psy."

Seeing Zoe's approval melted the tattooed athlete's resolve. "Uh...don't mention it."

A bellow erupted from the bar. "ICE CREAM!!! WHERE?!! WHERE?!!" Luther, having awoken from his drunken stupor, was standing and anxiously searching for the frozen dessert.

Psymon, recognizing the individual partly responsible for his newfound curse, smiled malevolently. "Long time, no see, lumpy."

Luther peered at the Canadian through squinted eyes, "That you, crazy man?"

"The one and only." Rearing back, the psychotic racer punched the giant athlete right square between the eyes. Luther went down like a ton of bricks. Still grinning, Psymon added, "Have a nice day, dirtbag."

Struggling to get up, the southerner asked, "Wh...wha' was that for?" As he was just beginning to stand, he glanced up and saw Kaori glaring directly at him.

"Creep." The teenager sent her foot as hard as she could straight into Luther's groin. For a second time, the large racer crashed to the floor, this time wailing in falsetto.

The other snowboarders silently stared in shock at what they'd just witnessed. Looking at one another, they simply shrugged and let the matter drop. Most figured the obnoxious athlete got what he'd deserved. As the group merrily left to celebrate the return of Kaori and Psymon, Eddie borrowed a pad and pen from the hotel desk. He scribbled a note on one of the sheets and ripped off the piece. Returning the pad and pen, the nineteen-year old requested some adhesive tape. With paper and tape in hand, he quickly stuck the note on Luther's butt and scampered off.

The note read:

__

BEHOLD, THE

CHAMP**!**

KICK ME!!!!

"Jussh goesh to show...hic...what comes...hic...up, must come...must come...aw forget it."

"You arez shoosh wizesh, monshieur."

----------------------

In an isolated ward within a mental institution...

****

The sharp, steady staccato of a man's footsteps echoed off the finely polished floor.

"This one of the new ones?"

"Yeah, they just hauled him in yesterday. He's definitely got some loose screws."

"Does he ever take that mask off?"

"Nope. He attacks anyone who tries to remove it."

****

They spoke of power...

"Hasn't anybody tried sedating him?"

"Sure, but whenever we do, the nutjob won't eat or sleep, at least until we give him the mask back."

****

...of confidence...

"What's he mumbling?"

"Oh, stuff about kids. Complains about them all the time."

****

...and an absolute belief that whatever was desired could always be obtained...

"The guy hates children, huh?"

"Loathes them. He especially likes to talk about one in particular. He calls her, 'the demon girl'."

"'Demon girl', eh? You're right, this one is a real piece of work."

****

...always.

"Excuse me, gentlemen, is this Needles Kane's room?"

"Yeah. Who are y..."

"Thank you, that will be all."

With a wave of his arm, the two orderlies fell unconscious. A light brush of his fingers prompted the electronic lock to sizzle and short out. Quietly opening the door, the man observed the wretched being before him. Dressed in typical patient coveralls and wearing a clown's mask, Needles Kane muttered a litany of profane curses directed at children. Within the mask, the madman's eyes regarded the stranger with suspicion.

"Hello, Needles."

"Who the #*&(&#$@)$ are you!!"

"My name is not important. What IS important is that I can give you...certain opportunities."

"Is this a trick?"

"No, I assure you, it is not."

The former ice cream delivery person was silent for a long moment. Finally, he whispered, "Can...can l play with the girl?"

"The child who has a fairy companion?"

"Yes!! The demon girl!!"

The man's lips turned upward into a smile. "Oh, most certainly, especially her."

For the first time in a very long while, Needles genuinely smiled. Then he started giggling, a giggling which turned into a cackling, a cackling which became a horrendously loud howling laughter."

As the insane clown continued laughing, the man whispered. "My opponents have chosen their champions. You shall be the first of ours. I will call you...Sweet Tooth." The man chuckled. "Let the game begin."


End file.
